It's taken me a while to publish this post; I keep starting and erasing it and starting over again. I want to be able to express myself without offending anyone that I know who may stumble across this blog. While going through the motions I thought about just scraping this post and focusing on the next topic, but I can't. I have to let this out of me and put it in the universe and pray no offense is taken.
It's time to leave some people behind.
I moved to Atlanta about 6 years ago to get away and start a new and exciting life and when I got here I just STOPPED. My life became stagnant and boring, I only went to work and the gym. The friendships that I formed were with people who were minimum 10 years older than me, MINIMUM. If they were my age they were males who were trying to sleep with me but I never let them. I threw them in the friend zone and watched them torture themselves; I had fun though. The older friends were fun and they have given me great wisdom to carry me through the rest of my life. I loved having intelligent conversations with them but I would always secretly wish they were my age.
Then the year came when I formed a few toxic friendships which kept me in a state of depression and loneliness. I don't know if you've ever been depressed before but when you are...nothing gets accomplished. I never wanted to do anything except party and hangout with people I didn't really like. I prayed for God to remove them from my life because I didn't know how to do it myself. I knew how I just didn't want to because I didn't want to be friendless in Atlanta...again. God removed them for me probably a week after I asked him to, that came with drama and stress as well. Even though I wasn't please with his execution and strategy, in the long run I was happy that he helped me out.
Then came another year or so in Atlanta with little to no friends. A few friends were still stressing me out and they were constant drama; so I not so eloquently told them that they were driving me crazy and I needed to be free of them. I hurt their feelings but at the time I felt good, I finally felt free of having to "deal" with other people. By this time I had one little bestie by my side, she is still right here with me. We play together and we grow together. That's what I love.
Some friendships that I happily let go of before have come back into my life. I decided to give people second chances and allow them to be in certain parts of my life. They are my friends but the dynamics of the relationship has changed. Here's the thing about following your gut, if you decide to follow it you need to stick to it. If you leave something in the past don't go back and try to find it, you left it there for a reason and it wasn't important enough to take with you in the first place. So let it go. I'm not saying that my friendships now aren't important but I already see that a majority of them won't be in my near future. They may be in my life but in a small little corner pocket that I only go into for holidays, birthdays and the occasional "let's grab drinks and catch up".
They're moving to the corner left pocket because I'm growing and I don't feel that they're growing with me. A lot of them still carry on with drama and gossip of friends in their immediate circle, which I partake in because it's just to easy. I don't want to hangout with people who I talk behind their backs, it's so immature of me. Most of them are in the same spot (mentally, financially, emotionally) as they were when I met them years ago. I haven't made much progress either which isn't healthy for anyone in this situation. You are who you hangout with and we're bringing each other down. Well they might not feel that way but I do and that's why I must move on with my life.
I'm ready for growth, I'm ready for change, I'm ready to be living the life that I've always wanted. If I mapped out my life for the most part my social circle would not look like this. If I mapped it out I would actually have a social circle again. My circle would be filled with progressive, smart, fun, emotionally sound, kind men and women who are about growth and self discovery. They would be working steadily towards their goals and their dream life. I know in order to attract those type of people I must become that type of person myself and I'm working at that every day. The rest will take care of itself.
-Namaste
(for some reason I always think that when I finish writing, so I decided that will be my signature from here on out)
Have you ever had to let go of friendships for your own personal growth? How did you do it and how has you life changed since? Express yourself!
Whew...have I?? It seems like I am constantly having to let go of people who don't belong in my life. Sometimes it's harder than other situations, but it's all worth it. Even people I thought I was very close to just because of the amount of time I knew them, but I had to realize that longevity doesn't equate to a real friendship. And that loyalty to that friendship has nothing to do with presence; it has more to do with still praying for them, caring about their overall wellness, wishing success for them, and not bashing them the minute they are no longer apart of your life. Those things I learned the hard way but the important part is, I learned.
ReplyDeleteYou ended this post soooo eloquently. You have to become that person that you want to attract. Well said. I'm constantly working on that too. When that happens, it's less manual work you have to do because eventually people will start eliminating themselves.
Great post, nice signature.
-Chymere Anais
OMG, I am going through this now, but this friend has been in my life for over 20 years. I just distance myself and allow her to come in to my space. I would never leave her out to dry, but I can no loger deal with her stunted growth. There is a time for everything and some people understand that and some don't. She will either change with me or we will forever be distancing ourselves further and further apart from each other and to be honest, that is perfectly fine with me. Being a real friend is when you can love that person from a distance and accept them for who they are. It doesnt mean you have to hang out with them on a regular basis. It does mean that you should be there for them if need be. And be there for them meaning being a shooulder to lean, not to be used. I truly love this post.....I can totally relate to this.
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