One of my promises to myself this year that I would be fearless, live the life I had always imagined, take chances and not care what people think of me. Essentially, I want to be happy about my life. Not complaisant, not content, not satisfied. No. I want to wake up everyday knowing that I'm living in my purpose and I'm doing what makes me happy. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I have yet to LIVE. I've been out of the nest for 7 years and still haven't spread my wings; I'm that bird that's hopping on the ground in parking lots dodging cars. I'm in constant battle with myself, God and the universe on "what I want my life to be", I never get shit done because I can never start anything without changing my mind about it first.
HOME
In my Carrie Bradshaw post I told you that I wanted to be like Carrie Bradshaw from SATC when I got older. Live in the city and have a fabulous life. Well, that's what I've decided to do. I'm tired of waiting and waiting and waiting for the right time to make a move. I've lived in Atl for 6 years, had 3 different apartments and none of them have been in the city or close to it. I'm about 15 mins away now but that's not the city living I'm talking about. I'm talking real you live downtown so you walk more than you drive type of city living. Obviously downtown living is quite pricey, well I discovered so is living everywhere else in Atlanta so I might as well take the risk. Of course my square footage will be compromised considerably but that's okay, I have too much shit that I need to get rid of anyways.
SCHOOL
School is playing with my emotions right now. College is my least favorite thing in life, I've never liked school it's not my thing. I come from the school of hard knocks and I let the streets be teacher. Just kidding, sorta. I do in fact learn more outside of school then I do within it. Am I dropping out, no. After this semester I'm taking a semester or two off. I was sooooo scared to tell my mom because I thought she would be disappointed, and I was scared to tell my friends because I thought they would think 'AGAIN???'. Then I woke up one day and thought "This is my damn life! Why am I so concerned with what they want me to do? I'm the one who's unhappy!" I told my mom and she understood. Everyone tells me to just do it and get it over with, which is easier said than done. Since I can pursue my future career without a degree, I'm fine with the go at your own pace method. I want to live and enjoy myself, even if that means graduating at the age of 35.
FRIENDSHIP/LOVE
My first year in Atlanta I had a roommate, the apt and friendship was over after 3 months. I was alone with one friend in Atlanta and asshole men I dated to pass the time. The next few years in Atlanta was filled with asshole friends and asshole men. The past year my time was spent weeding out the good from the bad, and deciding who I wanted to have in my life. My past mistakes in friendships and dating were just lessons for me to grow. Many people have come and gone over the past few years and I thank them for what they taught me. My biggest lesson was that if it doesn't agree with your spirit then let it go. There was a time when I could be fake and pretend I liked certain people for the sake of being in a group of friends. Now, psssstttt please! I spend time ONLY with people who agree with my spirit and make me happy. I refuse to hangout with someone I don't like or care for anymore. Why? Why did I ever do that before? It's so freeing when you don't have to pretend. Men that aren't for me, I can recognize immediately now and I don't even entertain them anymore. Free is the brain who's not stressing over love lost. Love, real love will come and it will come with abundance because there will be nothing blocking the flow. I would really like to build new friendships with like minded people and increase my social circle.
CAREER/WORK
School is out the picture for a little bit so my regular 9-5 life will resume right? Wrong. Though I wont be in school there are some entrepreneurial endeavors that have been placed in my mind by God and I just can't shake them. I was going to explore this calling while in school but I want to give my full attention to this idea and make it happen. A few of my friends dreams transpired before my eyes over the past year. A friend I work with told me an idea she had, worked at it like a dog and now she's trying to figure out how to handle all the success that came from her small idea. She dedicated herself to it and now she's "made it". Full dedication and hard work is what it going to take and I'm okay with that. I have to honor my calling. I have a few projects and this blog that I want to give my full attention...only good will come of it.
No matter what you do people will find something negative to say about you. That's why I no longer care what someone's opinion of my lifestyle is. If I want to take 20 years to finish a 4 year college then I'm going to, if I want to move to a hole in the wall in the city...then I will. My life will be lived the way I want from here on out, I can't worry about what others think of it. I'm doing this for me. I'm in the pursuit of happiness.
I love this. I feel like we are the same person on so many different levels. Just today I was telling a friend that for me to have been in Atlanta my whole life, I've outgrown it. And my main goal is ultimately to live in Cali as you know. I'm also like that about school. For me, I had to find out why it was important so that's what you have to do. and if you do drop out, so what? That's just what works for you. You certainly can't go around feeling bad or beating yourself up. Like the quote says keep moving forward and don't have two ducks to give about what everyone else has to say.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back blogging!!!
-Chymere A.
Be fearless dammit!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's great you recognise the important steps you need to make in the next stages of your life......a positive attitude is all you need and seems you have a plan....
ReplyDelete