Sometimes You Have To Go It Alone

My mom says I deserve a vacation. I say EVERYONE deserves a vacation. Even people who don't work hard and people who don't work at all, everyone deserves to get away from their everyday life and see the outside of their city, state, country. I saw on a news special that in Paris it's the LAW that employees aren't allowed to work over 40 hours a week and they MUST use their 2 MONTHS vacation time. Even if they don't want to...they have to take off work. Can you imagine? Must be nice. They interviewed a Parisian store owner and asked him why Parisians let people take so much time off, his reply was something like this; "Americans work way too much, they don't take time to enjoy life, they are work work work, and IF you worked hard enough and long enough and if you get too stressed out THEN you deserve a vacation, then you deserve to have fun. We don't need a reason to have fun or take a break, we don't have to 'earn' it because we always deserve to be happy." *Now that I wrote that I don't think I saw it on the news or maybe it wasn't Paris. I don't know but either way I came across some version of that conversation/interview, it happened I just can't remember the details.*

After I saw that I sat back and thought about my dad, the man who works and works and works and doesn't enjoy life. He never uses his vacation days and he doesn't like to go anywhere. If someone says they want to go on vacation he questions why they deserve to take a break. How hard do you have to work before you're allowed to enjoy life without guilt? I'm not buying a home anymore so I have a little money chunk sitting in the bank. I haven't really worked hard this past year, I didn't do great in school this semester so if we are going by the American way of thinking that means I don't deserve a vacation. I don't deserve a break from the very routine life I live, I should stick to the routine for another year and see if I do better, then I can break if there is vast improvement in my life.

Today, tomorrow and everyday from here on out...I'm a Parisian (in my heart). I'm going on vacation and I'm not going to feel bad about it AT ALL. Oh My God! I'm finally going on a vacation!! It's been 6 years since my 1st real vacation. I'm going to ask a few friends if they want to join me on a nice European tour (that was my first vacation, Italy/Greece/Turkey tour), they are long tours and usually all inclusive. Here's the thing, I know my friends and only 1 maybe 2 will even consider going. Not because my friends wont want to go but because like me, money can be funny. My money is not funny right now so I want to use it to LIVE and enjoy myself. I'm a single woman so I can't ask a boyfriend, though it would be nice to vacation with a man. If my 1 maybe 2 friends say no, I've already accepted the fact that I'm probably going it alone. And that's scary as faaaaack.

I don't really think anything bad will happen to me if I travel alone, I don't even really think I would get bored. I'll more than likely be with a group of people that are in my tour majority of the time. I'm of course going to read up on traveling alone and make sure I know all the safety tips. The scary part is DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE. I've never even eaten at a restaurant alone, so going to a different country by myself is a massive deal. Years ago I went to see Sex and the City 2 by myself a month after it came to theaters because I got tired of waiting for my friends to go see it with me. If I keep waiting for my friends to be ready to go on vacation (which I have been for 3 years now) then I will probably never leave the state. I would love it if my friends came with me, but if they don't I can't take a seat and miss out on life.

This is where my fearless FEAR LESS kicks in. I'm going on vacation this year no matter what, no matter what. Just the thought of it makes my heart sing, I can feel a little light inside me when I think about stepping into a different country. I haven't decided when or where I want to go yet, but right now I'm thinking Spain in August. I will host my own version of Eat, Pray Love. I don't have any reason not to go, there is nothing holding me back. I choose my own path. I can choose to be scared and wait for my friends or I can go it alone and see what life gives me in return.

-Namaste

Sometimes You Have To Leave People Behind

It's taken me a while to publish this post; I keep starting and erasing it and starting over again. I want to be able to express myself without offending anyone that I know who may stumble across this blog. While going through the motions I thought about just scraping this post and focusing on the next topic, but I can't. I have to let this out of me and put it in the universe and pray no offense is taken.

It's time to leave some people behind.

I moved to Atlanta about 6 years ago to get away and start a new and exciting life and when I got here I just STOPPED. My life became stagnant and boring, I only went to work and the gym. The friendships that I formed were with people who were minimum 10 years older than me, MINIMUM. If they were my age they were males who were trying to sleep with me but I never let them. I threw them in the friend zone and watched them torture themselves; I had fun though. The older friends were fun and they have given me great wisdom to carry me through the rest of my life. I loved having intelligent conversations with them but I would always secretly wish they were my age.

Then the year came when I formed a few toxic friendships which kept me in a state of depression and loneliness. I don't know if you've ever been depressed before but when you are...nothing gets accomplished. I never wanted to do anything except party and hangout with people I didn't really like. I prayed for God to remove them from my life because I didn't know how to do it myself. I knew how I just didn't want to because I didn't want to be friendless in Atlanta...again. God removed them for me probably a week after I asked him to, that came with drama and stress as well. Even though I wasn't please with his execution and strategy, in the long run I was happy that he helped me out.

Then came another year or so in Atlanta with little to no friends. A few friends were still stressing me out and they were constant drama; so I not so eloquently told them that they were driving me crazy and I needed to be free of them. I hurt their feelings but at the time I felt good, I finally felt free of having to "deal" with other people. By this time I had one little bestie by my side, she is still right here with me. We play together and we grow together. That's what I love.

Some friendships that I happily let go of before have come back into my life. I decided to give people second chances and allow them to be in certain parts of my life. They are my friends but the dynamics of the relationship has changed. Here's the thing about following your gut, if you decide to follow it you need to stick to it. If you leave something in the past don't go back and try to find it, you left it there for a reason and it wasn't important enough to take with you in the first place. So let it go. I'm not saying that my friendships now aren't important but I already see that a majority of them won't be in my near future. They may be in my life but in a small little corner pocket that I only go into for holidays, birthdays and the occasional "let's grab drinks and catch up".

They're moving to the corner left pocket because I'm growing and I don't feel that they're growing with me. A lot of them still carry on with drama and gossip of friends in their immediate circle, which I partake in because it's just to easy. I don't want to hangout with people who I talk behind their backs, it's so immature of me. Most of them are in the same spot (mentally, financially, emotionally) as they were when I met them years ago. I haven't made much progress either which isn't healthy for anyone in this situation. You are who you hangout with and we're bringing each other down. Well they might not feel that way but I do and that's why I must move on with my life.

I'm ready for growth, I'm ready for change, I'm ready to be living the life that I've always wanted. If I mapped out my life for the most part my social circle would not look like this. If I mapped it out I would actually have a social circle again. My circle would be filled with progressive, smart, fun, emotionally sound, kind men and women who are about growth and self discovery. They would be working steadily towards their goals and their dream life. I know in order to attract those type of people I must become that type of person myself and I'm working at that every day. The rest will take care of itself.

-Namaste
(for some reason I always think that when I finish writing, so I decided that will be my signature from here on out)


Have you ever had to let go of friendships for your own personal growth? How did you do it and how has you life changed since? Express yourself! 

The Pursuit of Happiness

Hello!!! I haven't forgot about my blog. I have been so extremely busy, not busy, bored, anxious, annoyed, happy, sad, fearful, and fearless over the past few months. A lot is going on in my personal life and even more is going on in my brain. The deadline is approaching for me to be moving out, a few months ago I was counting down the days; now I'm wanting time to slow down just a tad because my mind is chaotic right now and I need to breath.

One of my promises to myself this year that I would be fearless, live the life I had always imagined, take chances and not care what people think of me. Essentially, I want to be happy about my life. Not complaisant, not content, not satisfied. No. I want to wake up everyday knowing that I'm living in my purpose and I'm doing what makes me happy. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I have yet to LIVE. I've been out of the nest for 7 years and still haven't spread my wings; I'm that bird that's hopping on the ground in parking lots dodging cars. I'm in constant battle with myself, God and the universe on "what I want my life to be", I never get shit done because I can never start anything without changing my mind about it first.

HOME

In my Carrie Bradshaw post I told you that I wanted to be like Carrie Bradshaw from SATC when I got older. Live in the city and have a fabulous life. Well, that's what I've decided to do. I'm tired of waiting and waiting and waiting for the right time to make a move. I've lived in Atl for 6 years, had 3 different apartments and none of them have been in the city or close to it. I'm about 15 mins away now but that's not the city living I'm talking about. I'm talking real you live downtown so you walk more than you drive type of city living. Obviously downtown living is quite pricey, well I discovered so is living everywhere else in Atlanta so I might as well take the risk. Of course my square footage will be compromised considerably but that's okay, I have too much shit that I need to get rid of anyways.

SCHOOL 

School is playing with my emotions right now. College is my least favorite thing in life, I've never liked school it's not my thing. I come from the school of hard knocks and I let the streets be teacher. Just kidding, sorta. I do in fact learn more outside of school then I do within it. Am I dropping out, no. After this semester I'm taking a semester or two off. I was sooooo scared to tell my mom because I thought she would be disappointed, and I was scared to tell my friends because I thought they would think 'AGAIN???'. Then I woke up one day and thought "This is my damn life! Why am I so concerned with what they want me to do? I'm the one who's unhappy!" I told my mom and she understood. Everyone tells me to just do it and get it over with, which is easier said than done. Since I can pursue my future career without a degree, I'm fine with the go at your own pace method. I want to live and enjoy myself, even if that means graduating at the age of 35.

FRIENDSHIP/LOVE

My first year in Atlanta I had a roommate, the apt and friendship was over after 3 months. I was alone with one friend in Atlanta and asshole men I dated to pass the time. The next few years in Atlanta was filled with asshole friends and asshole men. The past year my time was spent weeding out the good from the bad, and deciding who I wanted to have in my life. My past mistakes in friendships and dating were just lessons for me to grow. Many people have come and gone over the past few years and I thank them for what they taught me. My biggest lesson was that if it doesn't agree with your spirit then let it go. There was a time when I could be fake and pretend I liked certain people for the sake of being in a group of friends. Now, psssstttt please! I spend time ONLY with people who agree with my spirit and make me happy. I refuse to hangout with someone I don't like or care for anymore. Why? Why did I ever do that before? It's so freeing when you don't have to pretend. Men that aren't for me, I can recognize immediately now and I don't even entertain them anymore. Free is the brain who's not stressing over love lost. Love, real love will come and it will come with abundance because there will be nothing blocking the flow. I would really like to build new friendships with like minded people and increase my social circle. 

CAREER/WORK

School is out the picture for a little bit so my regular 9-5 life will resume right? Wrong. Though I wont be in school there are some entrepreneurial endeavors that have been placed in my mind by God and I just can't shake them. I was going to explore this calling while in school but I want to give my full attention to this idea and make it happen. A few of my friends dreams transpired before my eyes over the past year. A friend I work with told me an idea she had, worked at it like a dog and now she's trying to figure out how to handle all the success that came from her small idea. She dedicated herself to it and now she's "made it". Full dedication and hard work is what it going to take and I'm okay with that. I have to honor my calling. I have a few projects and this blog that I want to give my full attention...only good will come of it. 

No matter what you do people will find something negative to say about you. That's why I no longer care what someone's opinion of my lifestyle is. If I want to take 20 years to finish a 4 year college then I'm going to, if I want to move to a hole in the wall in the city...then I will. My life will be lived the way I want from here on out, I can't worry about what others think of it. I'm doing this for me. I'm in the pursuit of happiness. 

Just Say No!

I am 26 years old and I am not where I want to be in life. There are many I shoulda, coulda, woulda's looming in the back of my brain but it's too late for all of that and wanting to change the past is a waste of time. I am 26 years old and I'm working on being who I have always wanted to become. Carrie Bradshaw. Just kidding but you know what I mean. When you don't follow the traditional path of go straight to college and get a good paying job, you can very well end up like me. 26, working a dead end job (full time), while in college, paying grown up bills on a college kid salary. It's not easy and it can be very stressful, this path wasn't the best path for me to take but I took it and I have to accept that. Even if you did take the traditional path you can still end up like me with this economy. Everyday I think about how to get myself out of this situation, it could be worse but I want much better and that's my goal. I will no longer allow myself to live this check to check, have fun when I can afford it type of life. I need to be free from sitting at my desk counting the hours and giving away my paychecks every 1st and the 15th. 

 Some of my friends have grew tired of me, they want to hangout all the time and my answer is usually no. It's not even because I can't afford to or don't want to but it's because I'm either doing homework, writing or working out. They see it as I'm being lame. Which is understandable coming from someone who is where they want to be in life or someone who is comfortable in their current situation (which may not even be good). I have fun when I have the time. Even writing it seems lame but I'm not satisfied. The only way to change my level of satisfaction is to do something about it. Author & finacial guru Dave Ramsey says "Live like no one else, so one day you can live like no one else." I live by those words. 

When I'm posed with a question of "do you wanna hang out?" I have to ask myself, did I do everything possible today to get me to where I want to be tomorrow? If the answer is no, then I don't go. Simple as that. Hanging out is fun, but being in the same situation year after year is unacceptable to me. It's hard saying no to friends but I know in the long run it will be worth it. Most women are worried about finding a husband at this age, I'm focused on my career. This is a different time from when our grandmothers and mothers were 26, women now have to work; well most of us do. These aren't the days where we women live with our parents until the right suitor comes along and sweeps us off our feet and into their kitchen to sweep their floors. We have to work to pay for our own floors to sweep until the right man comes along...and we'll still be sweeping their floors; AFTER we get home from work.

Times have changed and as a women your life has to be in order in all areas. Every little compartment of your life needs to be tweeked and taken care of daily. If you are lacking in the funds department you need to be trying to figure out how to increase your income, if you have no friends you need to get out more and at least get 1 friend, if you don't like the way you look I suggest you figure out why and change it (with out surgery). My friendships aren't lacking and my looks aren't lacking...my issue is my funds and my career. So until that is in order, I just have to say no more often than not. 

What are some sacrifices you've made in order to gain success? Or do you think that you shouldn't have to sacrifice anything?