CHECK YOUR REFLECTION

I had to take a break for a while to figure things out. This year has been a learning process, I feel like everyday I'm learning lesson. That simple quote above "The Lesson Repeats as Needed" has been my theme quote this year. I have been praying, asking, believing and waiting to receive all year but all I have been getting back is history. History repeats itself simply because we keep making the same mistakes. So when I ask for love, God brings me all of the men I've have trouble with in the past. The men I couldn't say no to and the men I always run back to. But hey God, hey! I uh asked for a new love, a real love, and I don't think they are it. Matter of fact I know they are not, so please remove them from my life, I understand now that they're not the ones I NEED. Gone. I finally passed that test! Now where's my love? Oh that's right I have to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people since I now have no more old flames to fall back on. I can no longer be comfortable while dating because dating is out of my comfort zone. Okay, I'm ready for the challenge.

I asked God for a new job, repeatedly all day everyday. I would apply for jobs then stop. Train for a better position so that I can be prepared, then stop. I've been working in the same industry, making the same pay, have had the same manager ( at 3 different companies/same boss), working the same position for as long as I've lived in Atlanta...6 years. I complain every time but the fear of starting somewhere new keeps me complacent. A few weeks ago I was ready, I bought a book on how to prepare for an interview, purchased a professional blazer and begged for a new job. A day later I was let go from my job a few days before my 3 year anniversary with the company. Now ain't that funny?

I asked for real love and God let go of all of the past relationships that hurt me. He helped me grow and move on. Then I met someone and went on an amazing date with this man who I initially wasn't feeling and thought he wasn't my type, but I was wrong. He was smart, funny and a gentlemen and the bullet point list of a guy that I wanted. I was myself, but nervous and unsure of myself when I spoke and I felt like I brought nothing to the table. The whole time I thought "fuuuckkk I really like this guy, I don't want to like him". He ended the night with a kiss and I haven't heard from him since. I could spend days, months, years trying to figure out why he doesn't like me but those will all be illusions and nothing real. I will never know and that's okay.

I asked for a new job and God took me out of a bad one. If he didn't do it I would probably still be there a year from now. I finally get a chance to move on and get a job that I deserve. I went on an interview the other day for a job I didn't want. On the way there I was confident and sure of myself, I had the job in the bag. 30 minutes into my car ride, I realized I didn't want the job because there was no traffic and I was still driving 30 mins to get to work. If you live in Atlanta you know that over 30 minutes with no traffic translates to an hour and a half with traffic. Can't do it. When I arrived, I immediately wanted to leave but knew that I needed to go on the interview so I could at least have some practice and you never know, I might end up wanting the position. I bombed the interview, when I tell you I couldn't formulate a complete sentence to save my life..Oh Em Gee! A hot mess. I wasn't offered the job. Even though I didn't want the job, I needed to do better.

MORAL OF THE STORY: DON'T ASK GOD TO ORDER YOUR STEPS IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO MOVE YOUR FEET.

See I wanted a good man, then tensed up when God handed him to me. I was prepared for the worst so I didn't bring my best. I'm not saying that's the reason he never called, I'm saying that's the reason I need to be prepared for the right guy. I have all these expectations for my future man, but I wouldn't even date me right now. I need to be prepared for deeper conversations if that's what I want in a relationship. Basically, I need to be able to mirror back all that I expect from a potential mate.

I wanted a new job but wasn't ready for the interview. I bought the book on interviewing and cracked it open a day before my interview! How could I possibly be ready to go on an interview after 6 years if I wasn't prepared for it? I stopped training for better jobs, I'm just relying on my average skills to set me above the rest of the candidates. If I have average skills and fumble over interview questions, how on earth will I stand out above my competitors?

We must be prepared. God has taken away a few roadblocks so that I can move on to a new street. So now it's time for me to do the work. He gave me what I wanted before I was ready, because well I asked him to. And you always get what you ask for whether you're ready for it or not. So prepare yourself for what you're asking, you want to be ready to receive your blessings otherwise you might miss out on them. What you're thinking and doing needs to be inline with what you're asking for. You have to move your feet, you must be ready.

-Namaste