Are You Saving Your Money?

If you are over the age of 18 your answer should be, duh who isn't? With all of life's obstacles and hardships and this crazy recession, it can be hard to build a hefty savings. Believe me, my savings account has gone from loaded to drained to loaded then back to drained. I was constantly dipping my hand in the cookie jar, mostly because I was spending money like there was no tomorrow. If you are spending like there's no tomorrow and you make less than 50k a year, you need to stop it. If you are making over 50k a year you need to stop it as well, even though the majority of Americans don't make that much, with the economy these days it's not a lot. But I'm talking to the people like me, the 50k and under club. What are you doing with your money?

The most trouble I've had in the past with saving money is temptation. The temptation to go out and spend my money at the bar, club, mall and restaurants. Even though I was putting money into my savings I had to pull it right back out to cover the bills I should have paid with my drink money. Spending before I had it. If you really want to build a savings here are a few things I had to learn for myself.

1. Work out a budget. Set aside some time to sit down and go over your monthly income and bills. What goes out vs. what's coming in. What is your monthly income and how much of that do you need for groceries, rent/mortgage, bills, etc. Now take that balance and figure out how much of it you want to put into savings. The left over money you can hold onto in your checking account or spend on whatever. Give yourself a limit though, just because you have a savings account doesn't mean you should be okay with having $10 in your checking account.
2. Save before you spend. This means exactly what it says. When you get paid, the next thing you need to do after paying your bills is put that amount of money you decided on into your savings account. Go straight to the bank, do not pass go, but collect $100 if you can. You need to save right away because it's payday and your friend is going to be calling you to go out, your kids want to go to the movies, you girlfriend wants you to take her to dinner. If you don't save right away, you will spend that money before the weekend is over.
3. Get new friends. Now you don't literally have to get new friends or stop talking to the ones you already have, but your friendships will definitely change when you are dedicated to saving you money. We all have those friends who don't have a savings account and live by the motto YOLO. These friends go out every weekend, spend $100 at the bar and go out to eat 6 days a week. Don't forget your shopping buddies! These friends might begin to scatter when you aren't out spending money with them. They might even see you as lame or boring. Don't let the pressure get to you, you know your finances and what your goal is. Watching your money grow will be way more fun than waking up with a hangover. I PROMISE.
4. Plan your fun. Just because you aren't going out every weekend or buying a new pair of shoes everyday. Doesn't mean you can't have fun. Remember all those fun activities you never get to do because you blow your money at the club? You know, the play you wanted to see, the concert you wanted to attend, the Falcons game you wanted to go to? Well now you can do those things because you have the money to do so. If you plan out one really fun event to attend every month, it wont drive you crazy to not go out every weekend. The anticipation of the upcoming activity will be enough to get you through the weekends.
5. Find free/cheap things to do. You can still hang out with your friends every weekend if you want, just set a budget on how much you can spend with them to still be in the confines of your savings agreement. For most people this means not seeing your friends as much, because lets face it...as an adult sitting in each others bedrooms gossiping about the opposite sex is less appealing now. We want to go out and have fun with one another. Look in your local newspaper or Creative Loafing to find some free events in your area, if you live in a city like Atlanta there is always something going on. Movie nights and game nights are always a great idea and very cheap. Everyone will either bring a game or movie to watch along with snacks and drinks, plan who brings what and the night will usually run you less than $10. 

For the serious saver (like myself): 

    6.  Set up an extra savings account. Your main account should be an emergency savings account, money you have saved up in case the pipe burst, you need a new water heater or have to pay for an ER visit. The extra savings account is for a specific goal. My extra account is for a vacation. I never take vacations out of the country. I have before but in my recent years my vacations have consisted of either VA or SC. Some of my friends who have money ask me all the time to go on vacation and I never could because I didn't have the money. Now this upcoming summer I can actually go on a real vacation because of my discipline to save up for what I want. Your goal doesn't have to be a vacation, just something that's important to you like starting a new business or saving to buy a house. Having two savings accounts may seem like a lot at first but once you get the hang of it, it's a breeze. 

If you haven't been saving I hope these steps will make it easier for you to begin saving. Of course you will have slip ups from time to time, but they become less frequent once you start making progress. A tool I use to help me save is mint.com I swear by it. You can add all of your accounts, credit cards & investments onto the site. It will show you how much you owe on each account, how long it will take you to pay it off. You can set up goals and make budgets with your money. This is the best thing ever and has helped me on my financially fit journey. 

HAPPY SAVINGS EVERYONE!! 

Set Your Own Standard

I work in an office full of men. I live in a city full of beautiful women. I live in a country where the standard of beauty is full lips, narrow nose, slanted eyes, light skin, long straight hair, big ass, big tits & a small waist.

The only thing I have on that list is a small waist. I am thin with a small butt, no boobs, big eyes, wide nose, thin lips, thick curly hair and brown skin. According to the American standard of beauty...I am not beautiful. Neither are most of the women in the world. Men are lusting after the societal  standard and they are working hard to obtain those women. Most men now-a-days aren't pounding the pavement so they can save up and provide a nice home for their future wife and kids. No, they are working hard so they can get that beautiful woman on their arms and in their beds. They see on TV that in order to obtain these pretty women you must have plenty of money to keep them. These women want to be bought and owned, shower them with nice things and they will stay and be pretty for you.

The women who are like me, who don't fit the standard, many of them are "fixing" themselves in order to fit the mold. Plastic surgery is at an all time high and it's still majority women who are getting cosmetic procedures. 

Of course it is, because men aren't trying to change their looks just to get a woman or to look like Irdis Elba. It's women who are changing their looks to get a man. 

Men want Stacey Dash, Kim K, Nia Long and Meagan Good. This has women spending their last dime to look like these celebs hoping a man will check for them. Some women will scream and shout that they have all these crazy surgeries for themselves, butt implants and the whole shabang. But if we are really honest with ourselves, I mean look deep down inside and talk to our soul...if women weren't praised for their looks, or if they showed "average women" in magazines and if men didn't cum on themselves just from looking at Kim K...would we really be pressed to risk our lives for plastic surgery? Think about it. 

Would you be happy with your looks if there was no beauty standard and no pressure to look like a certain celebrity? 

There was a time when I wanted to have a nose job and my boobs enhanced. The only thing that was stopping me was lack of money and the risk of dying. Was I really going to risk my life for a bigger chest? Was I really that shallow and insecure? As I grew a little older my perception began to change...I wanted the surgery less even though the pressure grew. I moved to Atlanta where all the women are gorgeous and being as close to perfect looking is almost a law. I wanted to gain the reaction from men that these women were getting, I wanted every man to want me. If I had bigger boobs and a smaller nose would they want me then? Hmm I will never know. At that time I believed so, but as I see the type of men that are in this town...I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything if all of them hit on me. My percentage of finding someone would be up most definitely, but do good looks guarantee a husband? Definitely not. 

I am in no way calling myself ugly, I just know what most men are drooling over and it isn't me. It probably isn't you either if we are being honest. Some women who are reading this..yes it's you. You're the standard of beauty. But for the majority of us...we need to set our own standard of beauty. That standard is YOU. All women are beautiful whether society sees it that way or not. We need to stop dragging each other in the dirt because we all don't look like super models. If we try to live up to the standard or if we live our lives thinking that only certain women are beautiful, then we will never be happy. 

Working with all men, I sometimes go to lunch with a group of them and they either talk about sports or women. They pick women apart and only want the creme of the crop, everyone else is trash. Hearing that day in and day out can be hard at times, but it's also helped me grow and learn to love myself even more. 

I realized that I am beautiful just the way I am. Trying to live up to the standard of being every man's wet dream is not a priority anymore. I only need to be beautiful to one person and that person is  my future husband. Only one person needs to think you are beautiful. Don't get me wrong, being admired is flattering and I enjoy it sometimes...sometimes. I'm an attractive woman and I get hit on quite often but it doesn't make or break me. If I worried about what every shallow man thought of me, I would be depressed. I really would. I know that I look good, it took a long road to get here but I'm happy with who I am. I love myself and my looks, I am beautiful and you can't tell me otherwise. I set my own standard of beauty and that standard is myself. I can only be me and there's no one else like me, that in itself is enough. There is only one me!  

I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM THE STANDARD. 

New Year, New Life

As the year comes to a close, I like to spend time reflecting on the lessons I learned, things I have accomplished and the things I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. Year 2012 has been a good year for me, nothing really exciting happened but it was just all in all good. Up until this past week. Last week, 2 people I know took their own lives and it turned my heart upside down. I went from knowing absolutely no one who has committed suicide, to having 2 people doing it in the same week. Suicide is a heavy topic and I will talk about that when I have time to process how I'm feeling about that. I still have one more memorial service to attend and hopefully it will bring me some clarity, so I can write about the subject.

So far what I have learned from these tragedies is to LIVE, really live everyday to the fullest. I can admit that I can be quite lazy, sleeping in til noon, staying up late on the internet, not making time for exercise because I would rather watch TV. Just lazy for no reason. Lazy while having a mile long to-do list and goals I want to accomplish. Why am I wasting time? The time we have on this earth is precious and no one knows what happens to them when we go. We can say we know because of our religion, but do we know for sure? No. I pray that the other side is better than this one and has all the things God promises us in the Bible, but what if nothing happens when we die? Or what if it's just not what you expected? Wouldn't you want a second chance to come back to earth and do it all over again, live the life you always imagined?

We may not get that chance for a do-over, so we must do it now. We must be remarkable right now. I know, change is hard but like everything it takes practice. What I have learned in 2012 is don't talk about it, be about it. I used to tell everyone in the world all the great plans I had to do great things, then I never ended up doing them because well...I was lazy. When I didn't go through with my plans I was looked at as the girl who never goes through with anything. That is why I decided to keep certain things to myself or only share them with 1 or 2 close friends. Close friends who are on the same journey as me. Don't share you plans with people who aren't trying to grow, they will only bring you back down. Share with someone who wants to grow and progress just as much as you do. Motivate each other to stay on the right path and encourage each other to be fearless.

In 2013 work on yourself, practice becoming remarkable. Like I said change is hard, but everyone who you may admire or everyone who has accomplished something great worked hard at it and never gave up. I'm sure at times they wanted to quit or had days were they wanted to take off, but they didn't and that's the difference between them and us. What needs to happen in the upcoming year is a lot of brain training. My brain is programmed to be who I am right now, who I have been for all of my life. What I have to do is train my brain to be who I want to become, the woman I want to be for the rest of my life. If you want to be rich, you have to think like a rich person. If you want to be smart, learn what smart people know. It's all going to take time and practice, but if you continue at it and work hard, you will be remarkable.

That is my goal for 2013: to work on myself daily so that I can be remarkable. Otherwise what's the point? Life is too short.