The Time Is Now

After my spring semester of college I decided to take a year off, which is crazy to me and other people because I've already dropped out of college twice and it's taking me years to get just my associates degree for the 3rd time around. I needed MORE time to figure it out. Seriously I feel like I'm going in circles every time I step into a school. Once I start my program of study I think "is this really what I want to do with my life? Is this really what I want to major in?". I can't seem to figure it out, it all seems like a waste to me. But then again, when I'm not in school I feel a sense of freedom yet a sense of urgency to figure out what I'm going to do with my life if school isn't going to be involved.

So that's why I took this semester off to decide once and for all if I'm going to finish my degree or not. If I decide to go back it has to be my own decision and I can't let anyone's opinions influence me. If I decide to drop out, I need to have a clear plan of how I'm going to make a living and reach my goals without a degree. Spring semester starts in January so I have to buckle down on my soul searching and praying. Whichever I choose, I NEED to be passionate about my plan. I cannot go into any major life decision half-assed. This is it. 

The time is now for me to decide, I've wandered around long enough without a plan or direction. It's about time I get one. Before I would place so much pressure on my age, I had to have this by the age of 26 and this by the age of 27, now it's less on age and more on a feeling. I FEEL like I'm ready to commit to something, even though at this present moment I'm not sure what that commitment entails. I just know that I'm ready to take control of my life, help myself to a better way of living. Instead of just talking about it I want to live my life on purpose. 

January is right around the corner and I'm not going to pressure myself to hurry my decision up but I'm going to pray and listen, then the answer will come to me. I have to give up some control in order to gain control. 

-Namaste

The Time Is Now

Timing is NOT everything. I don't know who came up with that and why I believed it for so long. Yes, I understand the concept that everything happens in it's own time. But waiting for the perfect time is a belief that many of us hold onto, and as a result it hinders our growth. "Good things come to those who wait", remember that one? NO, good things come to everybody...it's just life. But good things that we want and desire come to those who go after their dreams and work their butts off.

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I'm a waiter. I read a quote today that said, "If you wait for inspiration to write, you're not a writer, you're a waiter" - Dan Poynter. This quote sat with me all day long and I kept thinking; not only with my writing but also in other areas of my life- I wait. Well, when I get a new job I'll dress up for work. When I move in 6 months I'll decorate my room. I'll start writing my book once the semester is over. When the semester is over I'll focus more on my fitness. It's always something. I'm always waiting for the perfect time to do what I can be doing right now. There is no such thing as perfect timing. God is not going to come down before you and say "TODAY IS THE DAY". Everyday is THE day, that's why he woke you up this morning. He woke us up so that we can work diligently on our gifts.

In order to overcome laziness or fear, whichever stronghold that's stopping you from progressing, you need to figure out what works for you and change your thinking. The reward system doesn't work for me, a new dress for getting up early every day. Or the opposite; the punishment system, taking away something for not following through. Certain days (okay everyday) I will get up and drag my feet because I don't want to go to work, my job is not my career so I have to pep talk myself in the mornings. I quickly realize I can't quit otherwise I'd be homeless so I suck it up and hop in the shower. Lately, I've had many reminders whether through Instagram quotes or just by being in the right circles; that everyday is a gift and we are given each day to use our gifts. I only work 8 hours a day, I have at LEAST 9-10 hours left (I have to sleep) to work on my gifts.

THAT is what's working for me. I know that God didn't put me on this earth to just sit around and wait for something good to land in my lap. When I was younger I didn't have a clue of what I wanted to do with my life so I just wanted to marry rich. Seriously. I would pray that I would meet a rich man to take care of me so I didn't have worry about figuring out my purpose. I'm 26 and single...I think I need to figure it out. Understanding now that I'm not an accident and we are not here to just simply exists, that's my motivation. This dream, gift, purpose God placed within me is not an accident so I need to stop questioning it. My doubt leads to laziness. It's all about trusting Him and my purpose, that's where I am right now in my life. TRUSTING.

*The calender above is my schedule/tasks for everything. I need to see it right in front of me every morning so that I can hold myself accountable. Looking at what I need to do everyday reminds me to continue on this journey with FAITH and TRUST. It's not going to hurt me, only good will come from dedication and hard work.

-Namaste

It's So Simple

I can't make any excuses for my lack of exercise and yoga practice even though I want to. I just haven't been keeping up with it even though I have all the time in the world. It's probably been a month since I've done either and this weekend I realized that it's not acceptable for me to be living the way I am. This half-ass life. 

Start. Stop. Start. Stop. See Results. Stop. Take 5 Steps Back. Start Over. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. 

Tonight I started back with my yoga, if you remember I started doing yoga to be able to perform the splits and before I stopped I made significant progress in my stretching so I was a little worried that I would be back at square one. I wasn't thank God! Yoga is tough if you don't know so I was dreading having to start all over and work my way back up, but luckily only a few stretches are slightly off. What I really need to be doing is adding a few new stretches into my routine, and keep it up forever. 

Tomorrow comes the gym and weight lifting. I lost a lot of weight from eating healthy and exercising (go figure) because it really is that simple. What I also lost was my ass, it didn't bother me that other people were talking about my lack of ass but it bothered me because my ass really did disappear. It was the flattest I have ever seen it in my life. I was not okay with that because it was already minuscule. So, I've been stuffing my face for the past month and I gained my booty back...along with flabby arms and a flabby belly. It's summertime and I need to be in a bikini ASAP, which means I need to be in a gym asap. Also, along with the unwanted flab came the sickness. You are what you eat, if you eat unhealthy food you will be/feel unhealthy. Everyday I feel uncomfortable and sick, my skin looks bad and my nails are weak. Crazy right? Tomorrow I will continue stuffing my face, but only with healthy real foods. The first day back in the gym is going to kick my ass, but my ass and the rest of my body needs it. 

I never wanted to grow up and be this inconsistent woman with no sense of routine or structure. For a little while I believed that people with sporadic lives with no day to day plans were cool, but I realize now that a productive successful life needs order, structure and routine. So here I go, holding myself to a higher standard and thanking myself for it everyday. 

-Namaste

I Had A Dream You Were The Ocean

Is there something that's holding you back from reaching your full potential? We all have these vision boards, whether literal vision boards on our walls or the mental vision boards in our heads. Everyday we envision what we want our lives to look like and we map out how we're going to do it. The problem is that there is often very little follow through and I'm guilty of that. Rarely we follow through because we're unsure of the outcome and we question our own vision. How will I get to XYZ and what if I get there and it doesn't work out. We are afraid of what we can't see.

For example, you're ready to make a career change  but the fear of being unhappy even in a new career keeps you stagnant. Or you're not sure how you will land said career job, so that keeps you from trying because there's no way you'll get that type of job without experience right? You could be contemplating moving across the country or to another country, but what if you don't like it? What if you miss your friends too much? It's not worth the risk, so you stay put.

I know someone who has been saying since we were 18 that she's going to move to California, we're 26 and she still says it but she's afraid to move her feet. The only reason I can think of as to why she's still in Virginia is because she has a great fear of the unknown, like the majority of us do. If you have been talking about doing something for over a year, then it's probably something you really want to do. So just do it already. What's the worst that can happen, you do it, don't like it and have to figure out a new plan? That sounds better to me than 5 years going by and you're still wondering, what if?

 In order to reach our full potential we must get rid of this illusion of fear. Fear really is an illusion. Most women are afraid of bugs because they look gross, not because they're going to bring harm to us, yet we squeal when we see them. Why? It's an illusion of fear, we aren't comfortable around bugs so they scare us. I used to be afraid of roaches until I moved in my first apartment in Atlanta, the complex was infested with roaches. The first few months I would freak when I saw them but after a while I was no longer afraid. I was used to them, seeing and killing roaches everyday became a routine.

 Going to our 9-5 boring low salary jobs are fine because we're comfortable, trying to find a new job in this economy is too scary so we stay put. People even tell us to stay put and not take that risk, they feed us fear so we eat it up. They tell you not to move away because the cost of living is expensive over there, there aren't any jobs there, the people there are crazy. We just gulp, gulp, gulp, swallow it all and sit and wait and wonder as time passes by. What are we waiting for? Seriously, what's the worst that can happen, it doesn't work out...oh well that just brings you one step closer to your destiny. What's the best that can happen...it works out and brings you one step closer to your destiny.

-Namaste

Take the risk, lose sight of the shore. 

Sometimes You Have To Go It Alone

My mom says I deserve a vacation. I say EVERYONE deserves a vacation. Even people who don't work hard and people who don't work at all, everyone deserves to get away from their everyday life and see the outside of their city, state, country. I saw on a news special that in Paris it's the LAW that employees aren't allowed to work over 40 hours a week and they MUST use their 2 MONTHS vacation time. Even if they don't want to...they have to take off work. Can you imagine? Must be nice. They interviewed a Parisian store owner and asked him why Parisians let people take so much time off, his reply was something like this; "Americans work way too much, they don't take time to enjoy life, they are work work work, and IF you worked hard enough and long enough and if you get too stressed out THEN you deserve a vacation, then you deserve to have fun. We don't need a reason to have fun or take a break, we don't have to 'earn' it because we always deserve to be happy." *Now that I wrote that I don't think I saw it on the news or maybe it wasn't Paris. I don't know but either way I came across some version of that conversation/interview, it happened I just can't remember the details.*

After I saw that I sat back and thought about my dad, the man who works and works and works and doesn't enjoy life. He never uses his vacation days and he doesn't like to go anywhere. If someone says they want to go on vacation he questions why they deserve to take a break. How hard do you have to work before you're allowed to enjoy life without guilt? I'm not buying a home anymore so I have a little money chunk sitting in the bank. I haven't really worked hard this past year, I didn't do great in school this semester so if we are going by the American way of thinking that means I don't deserve a vacation. I don't deserve a break from the very routine life I live, I should stick to the routine for another year and see if I do better, then I can break if there is vast improvement in my life.

Today, tomorrow and everyday from here on out...I'm a Parisian (in my heart). I'm going on vacation and I'm not going to feel bad about it AT ALL. Oh My God! I'm finally going on a vacation!! It's been 6 years since my 1st real vacation. I'm going to ask a few friends if they want to join me on a nice European tour (that was my first vacation, Italy/Greece/Turkey tour), they are long tours and usually all inclusive. Here's the thing, I know my friends and only 1 maybe 2 will even consider going. Not because my friends wont want to go but because like me, money can be funny. My money is not funny right now so I want to use it to LIVE and enjoy myself. I'm a single woman so I can't ask a boyfriend, though it would be nice to vacation with a man. If my 1 maybe 2 friends say no, I've already accepted the fact that I'm probably going it alone. And that's scary as faaaaack.

I don't really think anything bad will happen to me if I travel alone, I don't even really think I would get bored. I'll more than likely be with a group of people that are in my tour majority of the time. I'm of course going to read up on traveling alone and make sure I know all the safety tips. The scary part is DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE. I've never even eaten at a restaurant alone, so going to a different country by myself is a massive deal. Years ago I went to see Sex and the City 2 by myself a month after it came to theaters because I got tired of waiting for my friends to go see it with me. If I keep waiting for my friends to be ready to go on vacation (which I have been for 3 years now) then I will probably never leave the state. I would love it if my friends came with me, but if they don't I can't take a seat and miss out on life.

This is where my fearless FEAR LESS kicks in. I'm going on vacation this year no matter what, no matter what. Just the thought of it makes my heart sing, I can feel a little light inside me when I think about stepping into a different country. I haven't decided when or where I want to go yet, but right now I'm thinking Spain in August. I will host my own version of Eat, Pray Love. I don't have any reason not to go, there is nothing holding me back. I choose my own path. I can choose to be scared and wait for my friends or I can go it alone and see what life gives me in return.

-Namaste

I'm Not Moving

I decided to renew my lease with my roommate, I was originally supposed to move in July but she's getting married in December so I can hold out until then. I was pressed to move because, I didn't tell anyone but...I was going to buy a condo. I found a few that I loved and my bids weren't high enough so people outbid me, at the time I was bummed out, now I see it as a blessing. Buying a home is a big step and commitment and it was a commitment I was ready to make. I was ready to make the commitment, not spend the money. I have the money to do so and the credit, I've been saving my money fairly well and I saved my tax return. It was so hard not to do anything rachet with my return; like buy some Malaysian Silky or go on a shopping spree. If I would've bought a house all of my savings would be gone, I would move in with zero in my savings and I would be stuck in my new house because I can't afford to go out anywhere. So mentally, yes I was ready to buy a house. Realistically, no I'm not ready.

It was something I wanted to do because I felt like I haven't accomplished anything significant yet. Owning a home to me was saying "No I don't have a college degree yet, no I'm not married, no I don't have any kids, no I don't have a career, but hey I own a home so I'm a grown up too". My mortgage would be cheaper than rent but the initial moving and set up and home buying expenses would set me back and frankly...I'm tired of being set back. My path isn't the same as everyone else, my life isn't like everyone else so why am I comparing my progress with theirs? Owning a home would be nice but now that I'm being more real with myself, it's not a top priority. I want to have money in the bank, I want to travel, I want to go out, that's where I am in life. I might be late but I showed up. I'm learning to live and love and be me without the worry of judgement. Everything with work out in it's own time, I will own a home at the right time. In December I might be singing a different song but for right now, I'm good.

-Namaste

The 4 Year Plan

The other night I laid down to go to sleep and thought about the fact that I'm 26 and just now getting started on making my dreams come true. I have wasted many years doing nothing and a year of that was probably wasting time on the internet. I've been thinking about where I see myself at the age of 30, in 4 blissful years I will be 30. I have a framed picture in my room of me and my friends celebrating my 22nd birthday, I look at it and think about what I have accomplished since then. 4 blissful years went by and my life is exactly the same as it was back then. 4 years wasted, seriously nothing exciting has happened at all so don't think I'm being too hard on myself. I'm just being real. I didn't change careers, I didn't get married, I didn't save thousands of dollars, go on any vacations. Nothing happened because I didn't make anything happen. This is the perfect time to write out my goals for the next four years, I need to look at them every morning, noon and night so I can be sure to stay on track.

By the time I'm 30 I will have accomplished the following: 

1. Received my bachelors degree in communications from Georgia State University.
2. Purchased a home/condo/townhouse.
3. Have my passion project (secret for now) fully started and be working that as my career. (What I need to focus on the most) **MAIN GOAL*
4. Taken 2 vacations minimum out of the country. (between now and 30).
5. Have 10k dollars cash in savings.
6. Have my car paid off.
7. Have hair down to my butt.

Sometimes you can take a wrong turn which will lead you off your path, if you don't look at the map for directions you will end up completely lost. 

Hello Stranger! PGC 2013

Ello Stranga! Is what I really said in my head. I like to throw on a British accent from time to time. 

I am shy and awkward in certain social situations. If alcohol isn't involved it takes me a long time to warm up to people and feel comfortable talking to them. I'm not that girl who introduces herself to everyone in the room with a bright smile on her face. I will definitely smile but I just might not speak to you. When I was younger I was ridiculously shy...ridiculously. As an adult I want to be more social,  introduce myself to strangers and make more connections. 

That's something I've been working on lately. No more Mrs. Shy Girl. Another Personal Growth Challenge for me. 

One thing that really brightens my day is when a complete stranger says hello to me. It's so simple yet profound. I can be in a bad mood or even the best mood, but when a stranger passing me by in the isle of the grocery store or in a parking lot shouts "Hello!!! How are you?" I think, I'm great now that you spoke to me!! It warms my heart that someone feels brave enough to speak to someone they don't know and will probably never see again. I've tried the hello a few times and have been ignored...which used to make me feel awkward. Now I just laugh it off; why wouldn't you a LEAST speak back? Asshole. The rejection is going to come but there might be someone like me and a simple hello makes their heart smile. 

A reason I feel so awkward at times is because I hate when people listen to my conversations. Whether I'm on the phone, talking to someone in public, even when customers are in the lobby. My conversation is short when I think someone who's not in the conversation is listening to what I'm saying. I have to break out of my comfort zone and engage fully in conversations no matter what. This will be great skill to develop so I will feel more comfortable while networking and starting out in my career. A way I've decided to practice is talking to cashiers and customer service workers, "How's your day going?" "Ready for the weekend?" "How was your holiday?". Something, anything to break out of my comfort zone. 

A perfect example of a missed connection and possible date 

(well I'm sure he had a girlfriend or date but still): 

I was grocery shopping and I was walking down the isle and BAM! A TALL cute man standing in front of me! I smiled and kept it moving, checking him out in my peripheral every few seconds trying to feel him out. I lost him because of an isle change and found myself looking at pancake mix  a few minutes later when he strolled into my isle and stopped right behind me looking at brownie mix on the other side. I turned a few times to see what he had in his basket, a man doesn't just shop for brownie mix on a Friday evening. His basket had "date" foods in them, I could tell. He was struggling to make a decision before he called someone (his lady friend I presume) for help. Either way I wanted to say something witty to him like "Trouble with the massive brownie selection? I can help, I'm a connoisseur of boxed brownies" He would've smiled and fell in love with me, smashed his phone so he didn't have to hear from Ms. Too Lazy To Get The Brownies Herself anymore, then we would've went out on a date, and married May 2015. Perfect. Missed connection. 

Does your shyness or awkwardness keep you from speaking to strangers OR are you naturally outgoing and bubbly? 

Blurbs

I rarely check my mail and when I do I never open it. School has never been my thing, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!! I'm just in college right now because I know this is something I need to do, my goal this semester was to get straight A's...not happening. Well, I finally opened my mail that I've been collecting on my nightstand for 3 weeks and there was 2 letters from my school asking me to accept my membership into the honors society! Whaaatttt, I've attended 2 colleges before and never been asked to be in anybody's society because I never had the grades. My first year at this current college I did really well, so they wanted me to join. Deadline was February 4th. Of course it was. Now I'm not doing my best so they aren't going to ask me again anytime soon. I couldn't believe it, I was so happy and proud of myself, I achieved something I never thought I could...even though I missed the deadline.

Other than that, I have so many plans for this blog and I know the aesthetics keep changing but the content is still the same. I'm not sure of what I want my blog to actually look like yet, so I keep playing around with it. There are many elements, topics and features I want to add to the blog. Such BIG plans I have tucked away in my idea journal that I need to incorporate onto this lovely little blog of mine. I also wanted to share more personal post and pictures, I need to save up for a real digital camera so I can do that. I hate using my phone. This blog and I are a work in progress, please be patient with me.

Life is GREAT! I have begun to experience a level of happiness that I've never been able to reach before in my life. This is the deep rooted happiness that surrounds your life even when nothing is happening. That's what I'm going through right now. I am falling in love with life.

Tax time! Please oh please do NOT be ignorant with your tax return. If you have goals to save your money or start a business, use your return to invest in your future...not your wardrobe. This year I'm finally getting a decent return and it's going straight into my savings. I would love some new clothes and gadgets but I can't tell you how many times large sums of money have come into my possession and I blew it all. I can't even tell you what I spent it all on, but it's gone. If you take care of your money and are smart with it, you will get more of it. Respect your refund check!

I'm really saving my refund because I'm moving in a few months. I feel like I'm always moving or I'm never settled anywhere. That might just be part of growing up and being on your own, finding a place that feels like home. When I moved last July, I moved in with a roommate...horrible idea. I don't dislike my roommate, I just dislike having a roommate. I love, love, love living on my own. I love only having people in the house if I want them there and if I invited them over. I love being alone in my thoughts and in my projects. My roommate is away for the weekend and I remember how much I enjoy solitude. I get a lot more accomplished on my own and my focus is intensified. When I get married I'm sure I will love having my husband as a roommate but for now, just me and my dog will suffice.

GET BACK ON TRACK!!!! It's a month and a half into 2013 and we all have goals of how this year is going to be our year. We started on those goals and got off track with some of them, it's okay just hop back on the track. Start from where you are, take the time to figure out what you need to do, adjust the straps and get going! I fell off on the saving money, so today I paid bills and reset my budget on mint.com. Remember to stay on top of your finances you need to be checking your accounts at least once a week. I like to check mine every other day. I also fell off with my school work, I'm just not in the mood this semester. I have no choice but to get on track with that so I adjusted my schedule so I can spend 3 hours a day on my homework.

Whatever it is you need to do to be where you want to be, just get to it! Distractions are going to pop up and throw you off track, you just have to fix the problem before it grows. Enjoy life and face your fears, save money and watch your possibilities grow. Be the best you, you can be!

Get Up!!

There has been sporadic/lack of posting on here because I'm falling behind in school. I'm behind in school because I've been stressed out over things I shouldn't be stressing about. Last night I had a mini breakdown because of one small thing is tangled into other areas of my life. It's one of those things where someone's choices are effecting you in a negative way, so let's just say I've been bothered. Well during my mini breakdown I was praying to God and I was so frustrated and tired, my mind has been all over the place; and I just can't seem to get it together lately in regards to my schoolwork. I thought well maybe I'll just take a break this semester since I'm so far behind already, I rather just receive a withdraw instead of a bad grade. So I got up, turned my laptop on, ready to withdraw and I saw a bulletin on the school's website that read "last day to withdraw with a 'W' 01/28/13". I thought Oh shoot that's today!!! Oh shoot that ends in 2 minutes!! I was rushing and typing in passwords with the quickness, as soon as I got to the page it turned 12 AM 01/29/2013 and the option was no longer there. I just had to laugh because God is too funny for his own good. Really God?

A voice, my subconcious, God...SOMEONE in my head was saying "you got this, quitting is the easy way out, you can do anything you want, you don't want to take a semester off...focus, get back on track and beast this thing!!" So I'm going to beast it. I'm behind on some things but I can turn them in for a late grade, even if it's a crappy grade that means I just have to get straight A's on the new assignments. I got this!!! I just needed to break down a little to realize that I'm capable of achieving great things. I'm tired of just being good enough and 2nd best, it's time to be number one and it's time to be respected and recognized for my efforts. No more coasting through life.

I woke up today (1/29/2013) at 5:30 AM, the time that I've been trying to achieve for YEARS!!  I woke up and went to Kroger and then I headed over to the gym. I achieved 2 things before the sun even came up, I felt so good and happy. Everything felt right. At work I was praised for coming into work early 2 days in a row,  I was praised for working hard to meet upcoming deadlines, one person said I was a new woman. My lifestyle is changing and people can see that, they like this new me, I love this new me. Now I just need to do my homework, my life can't come together when one piece is falling apart. It all works together, I am one unit. Of course I'm going to have slip ups and hard times, I'm human but all that matters is that I get back up QUICKLY and keep it moving. I'm working on finding a balance, this busy thing is new to me so it's going to take some time adjusting but I will get there.

Fall down seven times, get up eight! 

Stallion Booty VS. Donkey Booty

If you watch the foolishness that is The Real Housewives of Atlanta then you know about the battle of the booty's. If you don't watch I commend you and here's a quick breakdown of what's going on. Mrs. Phaedra Parks and her husband Apollo decided to make a fitness video focusing on getting your booty round, tight and high...like a donkey. They asked their friend Ms. Kenya Moore to produce the film, Kenya began working on the basic set up of production so she could give Phaedra and Apollo and estimate of cost. Phaedra did not like the price and was not willing to pay Kenya on the back end of video sales if they decided to go through with the deal. Shady and tacky as hell but that's not what I'm here to talk about today. Kenya was upset with Phaedra as she should have been, but instead of moving on and taking it as a business deal gone sour, Kenya decided to STEAL PHAEDRA'S IDEA and come out with her own fitness dvd!! WHAT!?!?!

This is a classic case of grown woman not knowing who she is.

A lot of women and I mean grown women over the age of 25 are still trying to figure out who they are. When you are still trying to figure out who you are life can get messy because you make choices based off your own insecurities. Kenya Moore is a beautiful woman, acne and all she is gorgeous but after watching her on the show her looks faded with each episode. Her insecurities make her extremely unattractive and immature. Stealing a friends idea, dream and passion is an childish move. I admit there were times in my life where I wanted to make certain career moves just because my friend was doing it. It's not that I shared that same dream but I didn't know who I was yet to know certain things weren't for me. Seeing my friends succeed made me want what they had...envy. Even today, my co-workers girlfriend announced that she was training to be a NPC Bikini Athlete (a fitness bikini model & competitor) and I grew jealous for about 5 minutes. When I get jealous over other peoples accomplishments I have to stop myself and think "Is that something I want to do?" If you answer honestly, the answer is usually no because you already know what you want to do with your life! If the answer is honestly yes that's what you want to do, then you need to ask them how they got there and work at it.

But if your answer is no you need to be happy for others successes, then go back to creating your own success story. I have no desire to be a bikini competitor, never have, never will. So why was I jealous? Because I have specific fitness goals that I want to obtain and someone else is reaching their own goals before me. My jealousy was all about me, I need to work harder to be where I desire to be. Competing on stage is not my thing. I've always wanted to dabble in fitness modeling and promotional work so my focus and energy should be in that lane, not in hers. Am I hating like Kenya is on Phaedra? Absolutely not, unlike Kenya I support her and hope she wins first place. This is because I've learned who I am and I've figured out what I want out of life. I'm thankful to God that I've learned this early in life and not in my 40's. Kenya had no desire to have her own fitness video until Phaedra did her wrong, she is doing it out of pure jealousy, competition and greed...which is why she is more likely to fail. When she focuses on her own talents and passions her success will grow. Then she wont be known as a biter aka copycat!

If you don't know who you are yet, take the time to figure it out. It is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your life. You might have to step away from outside influences and friends a little bit so you can take some time to be with just you. Even if you know who you are and are secure with yourself you will still have moments of jealousy, everyone does. But you need to be mature enough to know when to take a step back to figure out why you're jealous. Assess the situation, figure out your problem, fix it and move on.

Know who you are, don't be a Stallion pretending to be a Donkey. 

Making Time

How do you find hours in the day? And if you are exhausted, how do you power through? 

Here's what I would like to get completed everyday:

• Workout
• My admin duties at work (8-9 hrs)
• Eat breakfast, lunch & dinner
• Homework
• Math Tutoring
• Blogging
• Yoga
• 30mins to get ready for work/ 30mins to prep for bed ( I have a lengthy bed preparation routine) 
• Dog walking & playing 
• 30 mins of reading at least
• Eventually down the line volunteer work on the weekends. 
• Eventually down the line sometime soon, work on a 2nd income. 

Okay while writing this I answered my own questions, I need to wake up earlier. Like really early. My work hours can be anytime between 8am & 7pm, the time I come in doesn't matter as long as I work a full 8 hour day. The old me would try to stay up all night and finish these things but it's only 10pm and I'm already exhausted. So now... the mission to get up before Jesus.

PGC 2013: Challenge #2: Yoga

Somewhere between boredom and insanity I fell in love with yoga. Not actually practicing yoga but looking at pictures of people doing yoga. I've taken a yoga class or two before and thought it was the best thing ever, oh my gosh I have to do it again and again and again! Yeah, that enthusiasm wore off real quick, I haven't stepped into a yoga class in years. I was on my fitness Tumblr a few weeks ago and I saw a post on "Yoga for the Splits", I never thought about training my body to do the splits; I thought either you were born that way or not. I was not but I envied those naughty girls who were. So I began the simple stretches every night and I noticed progress. I stopped doing it for some reason that I can't remember, oh yeah that's right I quit everything duh! This year I'm not going to be a quitter damn-it! Not only do I want to be able to do the splits by the end of the year, I want to master one more yoga pose. I look at pictures of yogis everyday and I'm in awe at what they have trained their bodies to do. I often forget that they TRAINED to get that way. It takes strength and (eventual) flexibility along with proper training and stretching to be good at yoga. That mess is hard! Men can laugh and joke about it all they want, but yoga takes super baby Jesus strength to master.

So besides the splits:

I want to try and master one of the following poses:

I'm not sure which one I want to pick but they are all advanced and definitely a challenge, so wish me luck! 

Channeling My Inner Carrie Bradshaw

 The first time I saw an episode of Sex and the City, I think it was my senior year of high school or maybe right after I graduated. We only had movie channels on the downstairs TV, in your family you might call it the family room, we call downstairs. My parents would watch their shows until about 9pm then they would give me and my brother the "big TV" access after they went upstairs to go to bed. One night I strolled downstairs flipped on the TV that was left on HBO and there it was on the "big TV", my future. I never even heard of SATC until that night, I fell instantly in love with Carrie Bradshaw.

 I saw a lot myself in her; or at the age of 17 I should say, I saw who I wanted to become. I know she is a fictional character but something about her spoke to me. I felt like she was calling me through the screen; Laneé, one day you will have this life, you will be 40 years old with no husband or kids. Wait what? Everything about Carrie was me. I dressed different from the other kids at my school. I didn't have great style like Ms. Bradshaw at the time so I don't think people were trying to follow my fashion trends like they follow hers, but I stood out from the crowd. The fabulous NY lifestyle she was living, that's what I wanted so badly. I wanted to have a fabulous circle of close knit girlfriends who met up every Saturday for breakfast, dressed fabulously, go on dates with amazing men every weekend. Oh the life! And, I wanted to write, at this time I wasn't so sure but there was a definite calling after the first episode I watched. I didn't answer the call, I kept pressing the ignore button...until now. 

While I was on Christmas vacation a Sex in the City marathon was on and I watched, of course. I was sitting in the same spot on the (new) couch as I was the first time I laid eyes on this fabulous show. I thought to myself: hmph that was supposed to be my life! *arms folded pouting at the screen* My life was supposed to be fabulous, with fabulous friends, fabulous careers and fabulous date nights and breakfasts with the girls to talk about the dates with the fabulous men. Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!!! That's what I want and I want it now!! 

Okay you want it Laneé so what are you going to do about it?

 I'm going to start living it and eventually my life will manifest into what I want/create.
Correct.

PGC 2013. Challenge #1: Reading

Something I want to really work in this year is my reading habits or lack thereof I should say. On average I read about 3 books per year. Granted I read for my college courses but that would be more like skimming, I skim books and read the answers or key points that I was looking for. One of my closest girlfriends reads more than anyone I know, I envy her for that. I want to be able to escape from the internet more and sit down and read a book instead. My attention span is about as long at a gnat now that we have access to everything on the world wide web. Right now I'm RE-WATCHING season one of Scandal, watching a TV show that I have already seen every single episode. Is it necessary that I watch it again? Apparently I have nothing better to do with my free time.

The internet has made it so easy for us to be lazy and I have to break that deathly addiction. It will be a challenge but I can do it. When I find that I have completed all my tasks for the day and I'm restless with nothing to do, instead of clicking on Netflix I need to pick up a book. I have been reading the same book The Path to Love for about 3 months now, it's only 300 pages. I pick it up when I remember and read about 5 pages before I go to sleep. If I read 10 pages a day of any/most books, I could read one book a month. So that's what I have decided to do. I'm going to finish The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra  which is a great book by the way (I will write about it when I finish it).

After that I will start on Clutch Magazine's "100 books by black women" list. I realized too that when I do read, the books are normally written by males or white women, never black women. It's about time I support them. I will be honest with you, I wrote off many black authors years ago because I felt they were so typical just like our TV shows. Most of the popular black authors wrote about baby mama drama, men cheating on their women, men on the down low & church. It was all the same and began to bore me. No longer will I stereotype black literature and I will give it another shot, time to support my people. If we don't who else will? Clutch made the list based off suggestions they received from their tweeples about their favorite books written by black female authors. I printed off the list so I could look them up and pick which ones I wanted to read this year. Happy to say I already had one of them, Kindred by Octavia Butler, my friend (the bookworm)  gave it to me last year for my birthday and of course I haven't read it yet.

Reading will be one of my many personal growth challenges of 2013 and I'm ready to take it on. Will you be joining me?

2013 New Year Resolutions

Okay okay, I wasn't going to make resolutions this year because like most people I don't stick to them; but they are just so fun to write! This time around I decided to switch it up and focus on goals that are going to enhance the quality of my life overall and not a quick fix to a temporary problem, i.e. fit into that teenie weenie bikini this summer.

1. Be Fearless...FEAR-LESS...FEAR LESS: The main thing that holds me back from accomplishing my goals is fear, I fear everything. I fear judgement of others, failing, getting hurt, success, being more successful than my friends, losing friends because I became so awesome they feel uncomfortable around me because they can't catch up to my awesomeness! The last one may seem like a joke but I'm serious, I feel guilty if I outshine my friends. If I wasn't so fearful of these things I'm sure that I would be where I wanted to be in life by now. If I'm fear-less in 2013 mountains can be moved and a lot more progress will be made. 
2. Stop Gossiping: I gossip. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm a gossip. I know everyone's business and everyone tells me their business. The thing is, unless you are my close friend or I care about you & respect you...I will probably tell your business to someone else. In the past my gossiping has gotten me in a lot of trouble, so in 2012 I made a conscience decision to stop. Didn't work. I did decrease the gossiping by about 50% though, but I need to bring it to a full stop. I'm not only hurting other people but I'm hurting myself. The hardest part for me will be office gossip, there will always be little bees buzzing around me. I know I'm ready to end it though because when I hear other people gossip or talk bad about someone for no reason, I'm quite disgusted and realizing that's who I am and who I don't want to be anymore.
3. Open Up More & Let The People I Love In: The other day I was playing with my dog being very affectionate and my friend turned to me & said "Aww you do have a soft side". I didn't know that people assumed I don't had a soft side; I mean, I cry at commercials so c'mon. I admit I'm a very closed off private person, I don't express my feelings about much. I show anger & joy, but I bottle up sadness and sometimes love. Serious issues I discuss with God and myself. On my recent visit home I focused on our family dynamic and I realized I'm this way because I come from a home where emotions are not expressed. We keep it light. I don't want to be that way in my adult life, with my good friends and family I want to dig deeper and let them in. I would like to show my softer side and not come off as the strong woman all the time.
4. Be Productive & Consistent: I can keep a steady routine for about 3 days MAX. I'm not just talking about exercising and eating healthy, I can do that for about 4-5 months straight before I break that habit. I'm talking about school, work, health, beauty, fitness, reading, saving money, etc. This is my main resolution, be consistent ..I can't just say I want to do it, I have to work at it. Normally I don't, I just brush it off and say "ehh I'll try again tomorrow". My tomorrows would be a lot better and my future will be a lot brighter if I actually worked at my life. I sort of float on by hoping that my laziness will make me a millionaire. Not going to happen. If I say I'm going to get up at 5am everyday, I need to work at it and TRY to wake up at 5am everyday until it begins to happen naturally. That's the only way I can make it stick. 
5. Pray More & Be More Spiritual: I pray at night when I remember. I go down my prayer list of family and friends, the same routine in the same order every time. I say it so much I do it without thinking, I'm not mentally invested in my prayers anymore. I can sing them to a beat that's how memorized it has become. Occasionally I will throw in a quick prayer if I know someone's going through a hard time but that's as deep as it goes, not much more to it for me. I know that if you pray, mean it, believe it...you will receive it. So why am I not doing that? Is God listening to my prayers if I'm not even listening to them? I want to connect with God and I want to feel Him working in my life. I want to feel a real powerful connection, the connection that I'm afraid of. The one that is going to change my life. 

If I work on those 5 things day in and day out...6 months from now the quality of my life should have improved drastically. I wish everyone a Happy Prosperous New Year!!! 

DO YOU HAVE ANY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS OR DO YOU THINK THEY'RE A WASTE OF TIME? 

Are You Saving Your Money?

If you are over the age of 18 your answer should be, duh who isn't? With all of life's obstacles and hardships and this crazy recession, it can be hard to build a hefty savings. Believe me, my savings account has gone from loaded to drained to loaded then back to drained. I was constantly dipping my hand in the cookie jar, mostly because I was spending money like there was no tomorrow. If you are spending like there's no tomorrow and you make less than 50k a year, you need to stop it. If you are making over 50k a year you need to stop it as well, even though the majority of Americans don't make that much, with the economy these days it's not a lot. But I'm talking to the people like me, the 50k and under club. What are you doing with your money?

The most trouble I've had in the past with saving money is temptation. The temptation to go out and spend my money at the bar, club, mall and restaurants. Even though I was putting money into my savings I had to pull it right back out to cover the bills I should have paid with my drink money. Spending before I had it. If you really want to build a savings here are a few things I had to learn for myself.

1. Work out a budget. Set aside some time to sit down and go over your monthly income and bills. What goes out vs. what's coming in. What is your monthly income and how much of that do you need for groceries, rent/mortgage, bills, etc. Now take that balance and figure out how much of it you want to put into savings. The left over money you can hold onto in your checking account or spend on whatever. Give yourself a limit though, just because you have a savings account doesn't mean you should be okay with having $10 in your checking account.
2. Save before you spend. This means exactly what it says. When you get paid, the next thing you need to do after paying your bills is put that amount of money you decided on into your savings account. Go straight to the bank, do not pass go, but collect $100 if you can. You need to save right away because it's payday and your friend is going to be calling you to go out, your kids want to go to the movies, you girlfriend wants you to take her to dinner. If you don't save right away, you will spend that money before the weekend is over.
3. Get new friends. Now you don't literally have to get new friends or stop talking to the ones you already have, but your friendships will definitely change when you are dedicated to saving you money. We all have those friends who don't have a savings account and live by the motto YOLO. These friends go out every weekend, spend $100 at the bar and go out to eat 6 days a week. Don't forget your shopping buddies! These friends might begin to scatter when you aren't out spending money with them. They might even see you as lame or boring. Don't let the pressure get to you, you know your finances and what your goal is. Watching your money grow will be way more fun than waking up with a hangover. I PROMISE.
4. Plan your fun. Just because you aren't going out every weekend or buying a new pair of shoes everyday. Doesn't mean you can't have fun. Remember all those fun activities you never get to do because you blow your money at the club? You know, the play you wanted to see, the concert you wanted to attend, the Falcons game you wanted to go to? Well now you can do those things because you have the money to do so. If you plan out one really fun event to attend every month, it wont drive you crazy to not go out every weekend. The anticipation of the upcoming activity will be enough to get you through the weekends.
5. Find free/cheap things to do. You can still hang out with your friends every weekend if you want, just set a budget on how much you can spend with them to still be in the confines of your savings agreement. For most people this means not seeing your friends as much, because lets face it...as an adult sitting in each others bedrooms gossiping about the opposite sex is less appealing now. We want to go out and have fun with one another. Look in your local newspaper or Creative Loafing to find some free events in your area, if you live in a city like Atlanta there is always something going on. Movie nights and game nights are always a great idea and very cheap. Everyone will either bring a game or movie to watch along with snacks and drinks, plan who brings what and the night will usually run you less than $10. 

For the serious saver (like myself): 

    6.  Set up an extra savings account. Your main account should be an emergency savings account, money you have saved up in case the pipe burst, you need a new water heater or have to pay for an ER visit. The extra savings account is for a specific goal. My extra account is for a vacation. I never take vacations out of the country. I have before but in my recent years my vacations have consisted of either VA or SC. Some of my friends who have money ask me all the time to go on vacation and I never could because I didn't have the money. Now this upcoming summer I can actually go on a real vacation because of my discipline to save up for what I want. Your goal doesn't have to be a vacation, just something that's important to you like starting a new business or saving to buy a house. Having two savings accounts may seem like a lot at first but once you get the hang of it, it's a breeze. 

If you haven't been saving I hope these steps will make it easier for you to begin saving. Of course you will have slip ups from time to time, but they become less frequent once you start making progress. A tool I use to help me save is mint.com I swear by it. You can add all of your accounts, credit cards & investments onto the site. It will show you how much you owe on each account, how long it will take you to pay it off. You can set up goals and make budgets with your money. This is the best thing ever and has helped me on my financially fit journey. 

HAPPY SAVINGS EVERYONE!! 

New Year, New Life

As the year comes to a close, I like to spend time reflecting on the lessons I learned, things I have accomplished and the things I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. Year 2012 has been a good year for me, nothing really exciting happened but it was just all in all good. Up until this past week. Last week, 2 people I know took their own lives and it turned my heart upside down. I went from knowing absolutely no one who has committed suicide, to having 2 people doing it in the same week. Suicide is a heavy topic and I will talk about that when I have time to process how I'm feeling about that. I still have one more memorial service to attend and hopefully it will bring me some clarity, so I can write about the subject.

So far what I have learned from these tragedies is to LIVE, really live everyday to the fullest. I can admit that I can be quite lazy, sleeping in til noon, staying up late on the internet, not making time for exercise because I would rather watch TV. Just lazy for no reason. Lazy while having a mile long to-do list and goals I want to accomplish. Why am I wasting time? The time we have on this earth is precious and no one knows what happens to them when we go. We can say we know because of our religion, but do we know for sure? No. I pray that the other side is better than this one and has all the things God promises us in the Bible, but what if nothing happens when we die? Or what if it's just not what you expected? Wouldn't you want a second chance to come back to earth and do it all over again, live the life you always imagined?

We may not get that chance for a do-over, so we must do it now. We must be remarkable right now. I know, change is hard but like everything it takes practice. What I have learned in 2012 is don't talk about it, be about it. I used to tell everyone in the world all the great plans I had to do great things, then I never ended up doing them because well...I was lazy. When I didn't go through with my plans I was looked at as the girl who never goes through with anything. That is why I decided to keep certain things to myself or only share them with 1 or 2 close friends. Close friends who are on the same journey as me. Don't share you plans with people who aren't trying to grow, they will only bring you back down. Share with someone who wants to grow and progress just as much as you do. Motivate each other to stay on the right path and encourage each other to be fearless.

In 2013 work on yourself, practice becoming remarkable. Like I said change is hard, but everyone who you may admire or everyone who has accomplished something great worked hard at it and never gave up. I'm sure at times they wanted to quit or had days were they wanted to take off, but they didn't and that's the difference between them and us. What needs to happen in the upcoming year is a lot of brain training. My brain is programmed to be who I am right now, who I have been for all of my life. What I have to do is train my brain to be who I want to become, the woman I want to be for the rest of my life. If you want to be rich, you have to think like a rich person. If you want to be smart, learn what smart people know. It's all going to take time and practice, but if you continue at it and work hard, you will be remarkable.

That is my goal for 2013: to work on myself daily so that I can be remarkable. Otherwise what's the point? Life is too short.