GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Have you ever had a conversation in your head with someone, then when the time to have the real conversation comes up it didn't go how you planned it out in your head. It usually doesn't go as planned because you expected the other person to say what you wanted to hear. Your expectations become shattered and you end up being disappointed. Not only in conversation but in almost every area of our lives we EXPECT things to be a certain way. Some expect great and some people expect disaster.

I believe in the law of attraction and that energy attracts like energy. If I'm thinking negative more than likely, if not every time...negative happens. When I think positive, if not every time...positive happens. I've learned to have great expectations. There is nothing wrong with expecting a great life and great love to surround you. What I struggle with in this new positive mindset is that I expect things to go exactly as planned then I end up greatly disappointed when my plans are altered in reality. I will literally plan whole conversations in my head with people and expect the conversation to go that way in reality. I will be talking to them and think "okay now they are going to react this way and say this, this and this", I will wait for it and say to myself "hmmm that wasn't supposed to happen". I'm disappointed now. When I was seeking a man and it seemed like they were nowhere to be found, I would go out NOT expecting to meet a man...and guess what, I never did. Now when I go out I expect to meet a man...and guess what I never meet the ones I want. I'm placing expectations on things that are to come naturally.

Conversations are supposed to be natural. If I go out on the town I can hope to meet someone, but I should never expect it. When I'm having a conversation with someone I need to get out of their brains and listen to what's coming out of their mouths. It's not every time I talk to someone that I'm planning their side of the conversation, it's usually when I'm coming to them with something I've been wanting to talk to them about. I expect them to respond in a way that's going to make me 100% satisfied at the end of the conversation.

I've been praying about this lately because I've noticed that it's something I keep doing. I expect everything to go a certain way so that I will be blissfully happy at the end of each day. I've turned the law of attraction into trying to orchestrate every part of my life and other peoples lives as well. The law of attraction is Ask, Believe, Receive. What I'm doing is replacing belief with expectations, therefore I'm not receiving what I want because I'm trying to do it all myself. BELIEF. If I believe in what I'm asking for and really believe it, everything that is supposed to happen with happen naturally in due time. The only things I have control over are my thoughts, which control my actions. Everything else is God. So the fact that I'm trying to place mind control on the rest of the world is a waste of time. I finally understand what people mean when they say "shatter your expectations".

-Namaste

The First Time I Felt It (My Thoughts On Zimmerman Verdict)

I waited for 2 days to hear the verdict and on the 2nd day I received a text from my mother that read "George Zimmerman not guilty". My heart sank into my stomach and I cried. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't freaking believe it. It had to be a mistake, I thought someone jumped the gun as usual and posted false information. There was just no way in hell that this scumbag got off for killing an innocent child?!?!?! No way! I kept refreshing the CNN.COM news page on my phone hoping it would read differently but it didn't. It was clear as day...ZIMMERMAN NOT GUILTY. I texted everyone in my phone who I thought would care as much as I did. My sadness turned into rage. Never in my lifetime (I'm 26) have I experienced such injustice. This was the first time I really saw how unjust this country is. As a black woman I can admit we have it easier than our black men, we know about the cruelty and racism but we don't experience it as much as them.

When it's flashing across my screen in 2013, I experience all of it. My heart ached for Trayvon and for every black man walking this earth. Today someone told me that I should have experienced this feeling in regards to Troy Davis, but I can only feel what's real to me and I can't apologize for that. I was ignorant about the Davis case until days before his execution just like many others. I wasn't fronting pretending to know what I was talking about when I didn't have a clue what was going on. What happened to Troy Davis was unfair and unjust, but my heart wasn't invested in it. My heart has been invested in the Martin case for over a year now and for it to come to this makes me weak. Every time I think about it or try to talk about it I become extremely passionate, my voice gets loud and my arms begin to flail around. THIS moved me to my core. I've read books and seen movies on the civil rights movement and I recognized how badly our people were treated. So many leaders fought and died so that we can have rights and so that we may be protected. 

Fast forward to present day. We have a society of Internet activist that like to hashtag and blackout photos showing their support for the victims. When the media circus dies down, they're activism dies down as well. Hastagging and photos do NOTHING. I'm sorry to upset the masses but it's true. Taking 2 seconds out of your day to repost a photo of Trayvon in between posting photos of Love and Hip Hop memes, is doing what? Please let me know. I don't knock anyone who would like to show support in anyway, but if you honestly think you're making a real difference in the case or the other injustices of black people, then I'm sorry my friend you're sadly mistaken. I feel like the modern day black community has taken a "good enough" approach to life and to their civil rights. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's work was not complete when he left this earth. When he left is when everyone realized that you have to literally DIE for what you believe in. No one is as passionate as Martin and Malcolm and other leaders because they are afraid of the backlash. We ridicule Al and Jesse, saying they take everything too seriously, they need to lighten up. They don't have the support of our community. Clearly, CLEARLY we still have a long way to go. The fight did not end when Martin's life did. 

It seems like black people are okay with the status quo. You shouldn't ask for a raise, because at least you have a job, don't complain about the misogyny of hip-hop because at lease we're still in the industry, don't get so upset over black on black crime, it's all they know in the hood. Why have we taken such a laid back attitude towards our own life and culture. Everything is just good enough for us, we don't want to upset the massa because he's going to hurt us if we speak out. Trayvon did not die in vain, if he woke me up I know he woke up many other Americans; black and white. 

It's really time to wake up and realize that there is still a lot of progress to be made and it starts within ourselves. We have to figure out what it is that we can do as individuals to make a positive change within our community. Understanding ourselves will give us clearer vision on what steps we can take to improve this society. No longer can we sit back and post hashtags claiming to have done all we could. This is not what Dr. King had in mind, the fight is not over. Let's start with loving each other and stop this crab in the bucket & you can never get on my level mentality, that only hurts us. If we don't care about each other, why should they care? 

Don't let Trayvon's death be another trend, let it be a lesson. 

-Namasté 

The Time Is Now

Timing is NOT everything. I don't know who came up with that and why I believed it for so long. Yes, I understand the concept that everything happens in it's own time. But waiting for the perfect time is a belief that many of us hold onto, and as a result it hinders our growth. "Good things come to those who wait", remember that one? NO, good things come to everybody...it's just life. But good things that we want and desire come to those who go after their dreams and work their butts off.

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I'm a waiter. I read a quote today that said, "If you wait for inspiration to write, you're not a writer, you're a waiter" - Dan Poynter. This quote sat with me all day long and I kept thinking; not only with my writing but also in other areas of my life- I wait. Well, when I get a new job I'll dress up for work. When I move in 6 months I'll decorate my room. I'll start writing my book once the semester is over. When the semester is over I'll focus more on my fitness. It's always something. I'm always waiting for the perfect time to do what I can be doing right now. There is no such thing as perfect timing. God is not going to come down before you and say "TODAY IS THE DAY". Everyday is THE day, that's why he woke you up this morning. He woke us up so that we can work diligently on our gifts.

In order to overcome laziness or fear, whichever stronghold that's stopping you from progressing, you need to figure out what works for you and change your thinking. The reward system doesn't work for me, a new dress for getting up early every day. Or the opposite; the punishment system, taking away something for not following through. Certain days (okay everyday) I will get up and drag my feet because I don't want to go to work, my job is not my career so I have to pep talk myself in the mornings. I quickly realize I can't quit otherwise I'd be homeless so I suck it up and hop in the shower. Lately, I've had many reminders whether through Instagram quotes or just by being in the right circles; that everyday is a gift and we are given each day to use our gifts. I only work 8 hours a day, I have at LEAST 9-10 hours left (I have to sleep) to work on my gifts.

THAT is what's working for me. I know that God didn't put me on this earth to just sit around and wait for something good to land in my lap. When I was younger I didn't have a clue of what I wanted to do with my life so I just wanted to marry rich. Seriously. I would pray that I would meet a rich man to take care of me so I didn't have worry about figuring out my purpose. I'm 26 and single...I think I need to figure it out. Understanding now that I'm not an accident and we are not here to just simply exists, that's my motivation. This dream, gift, purpose God placed within me is not an accident so I need to stop questioning it. My doubt leads to laziness. It's all about trusting Him and my purpose, that's where I am right now in my life. TRUSTING.

*The calender above is my schedule/tasks for everything. I need to see it right in front of me every morning so that I can hold myself accountable. Looking at what I need to do everyday reminds me to continue on this journey with FAITH and TRUST. It's not going to hurt me, only good will come from dedication and hard work.

-Namaste