The First Time I Felt It (My Thoughts On Zimmerman Verdict)

I waited for 2 days to hear the verdict and on the 2nd day I received a text from my mother that read "George Zimmerman not guilty". My heart sank into my stomach and I cried. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't freaking believe it. It had to be a mistake, I thought someone jumped the gun as usual and posted false information. There was just no way in hell that this scumbag got off for killing an innocent child?!?!?! No way! I kept refreshing the CNN.COM news page on my phone hoping it would read differently but it didn't. It was clear as day...ZIMMERMAN NOT GUILTY. I texted everyone in my phone who I thought would care as much as I did. My sadness turned into rage. Never in my lifetime (I'm 26) have I experienced such injustice. This was the first time I really saw how unjust this country is. As a black woman I can admit we have it easier than our black men, we know about the cruelty and racism but we don't experience it as much as them.

When it's flashing across my screen in 2013, I experience all of it. My heart ached for Trayvon and for every black man walking this earth. Today someone told me that I should have experienced this feeling in regards to Troy Davis, but I can only feel what's real to me and I can't apologize for that. I was ignorant about the Davis case until days before his execution just like many others. I wasn't fronting pretending to know what I was talking about when I didn't have a clue what was going on. What happened to Troy Davis was unfair and unjust, but my heart wasn't invested in it. My heart has been invested in the Martin case for over a year now and for it to come to this makes me weak. Every time I think about it or try to talk about it I become extremely passionate, my voice gets loud and my arms begin to flail around. THIS moved me to my core. I've read books and seen movies on the civil rights movement and I recognized how badly our people were treated. So many leaders fought and died so that we can have rights and so that we may be protected. 

Fast forward to present day. We have a society of Internet activist that like to hashtag and blackout photos showing their support for the victims. When the media circus dies down, they're activism dies down as well. Hastagging and photos do NOTHING. I'm sorry to upset the masses but it's true. Taking 2 seconds out of your day to repost a photo of Trayvon in between posting photos of Love and Hip Hop memes, is doing what? Please let me know. I don't knock anyone who would like to show support in anyway, but if you honestly think you're making a real difference in the case or the other injustices of black people, then I'm sorry my friend you're sadly mistaken. I feel like the modern day black community has taken a "good enough" approach to life and to their civil rights. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's work was not complete when he left this earth. When he left is when everyone realized that you have to literally DIE for what you believe in. No one is as passionate as Martin and Malcolm and other leaders because they are afraid of the backlash. We ridicule Al and Jesse, saying they take everything too seriously, they need to lighten up. They don't have the support of our community. Clearly, CLEARLY we still have a long way to go. The fight did not end when Martin's life did. 

It seems like black people are okay with the status quo. You shouldn't ask for a raise, because at least you have a job, don't complain about the misogyny of hip-hop because at lease we're still in the industry, don't get so upset over black on black crime, it's all they know in the hood. Why have we taken such a laid back attitude towards our own life and culture. Everything is just good enough for us, we don't want to upset the massa because he's going to hurt us if we speak out. Trayvon did not die in vain, if he woke me up I know he woke up many other Americans; black and white. 

It's really time to wake up and realize that there is still a lot of progress to be made and it starts within ourselves. We have to figure out what it is that we can do as individuals to make a positive change within our community. Understanding ourselves will give us clearer vision on what steps we can take to improve this society. No longer can we sit back and post hashtags claiming to have done all we could. This is not what Dr. King had in mind, the fight is not over. Let's start with loving each other and stop this crab in the bucket & you can never get on my level mentality, that only hurts us. If we don't care about each other, why should they care? 

Don't let Trayvon's death be another trend, let it be a lesson. 

-Namasté 

The Time Is Now

Timing is NOT everything. I don't know who came up with that and why I believed it for so long. Yes, I understand the concept that everything happens in it's own time. But waiting for the perfect time is a belief that many of us hold onto, and as a result it hinders our growth. "Good things come to those who wait", remember that one? NO, good things come to everybody...it's just life. But good things that we want and desire come to those who go after their dreams and work their butts off.

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I'm a waiter. I read a quote today that said, "If you wait for inspiration to write, you're not a writer, you're a waiter" - Dan Poynter. This quote sat with me all day long and I kept thinking; not only with my writing but also in other areas of my life- I wait. Well, when I get a new job I'll dress up for work. When I move in 6 months I'll decorate my room. I'll start writing my book once the semester is over. When the semester is over I'll focus more on my fitness. It's always something. I'm always waiting for the perfect time to do what I can be doing right now. There is no such thing as perfect timing. God is not going to come down before you and say "TODAY IS THE DAY". Everyday is THE day, that's why he woke you up this morning. He woke us up so that we can work diligently on our gifts.

In order to overcome laziness or fear, whichever stronghold that's stopping you from progressing, you need to figure out what works for you and change your thinking. The reward system doesn't work for me, a new dress for getting up early every day. Or the opposite; the punishment system, taking away something for not following through. Certain days (okay everyday) I will get up and drag my feet because I don't want to go to work, my job is not my career so I have to pep talk myself in the mornings. I quickly realize I can't quit otherwise I'd be homeless so I suck it up and hop in the shower. Lately, I've had many reminders whether through Instagram quotes or just by being in the right circles; that everyday is a gift and we are given each day to use our gifts. I only work 8 hours a day, I have at LEAST 9-10 hours left (I have to sleep) to work on my gifts.

THAT is what's working for me. I know that God didn't put me on this earth to just sit around and wait for something good to land in my lap. When I was younger I didn't have a clue of what I wanted to do with my life so I just wanted to marry rich. Seriously. I would pray that I would meet a rich man to take care of me so I didn't have worry about figuring out my purpose. I'm 26 and single...I think I need to figure it out. Understanding now that I'm not an accident and we are not here to just simply exists, that's my motivation. This dream, gift, purpose God placed within me is not an accident so I need to stop questioning it. My doubt leads to laziness. It's all about trusting Him and my purpose, that's where I am right now in my life. TRUSTING.

*The calender above is my schedule/tasks for everything. I need to see it right in front of me every morning so that I can hold myself accountable. Looking at what I need to do everyday reminds me to continue on this journey with FAITH and TRUST. It's not going to hurt me, only good will come from dedication and hard work.

-Namaste

I Had A Dream You Were The Ocean

Is there something that's holding you back from reaching your full potential? We all have these vision boards, whether literal vision boards on our walls or the mental vision boards in our heads. Everyday we envision what we want our lives to look like and we map out how we're going to do it. The problem is that there is often very little follow through and I'm guilty of that. Rarely we follow through because we're unsure of the outcome and we question our own vision. How will I get to XYZ and what if I get there and it doesn't work out. We are afraid of what we can't see.

For example, you're ready to make a career change  but the fear of being unhappy even in a new career keeps you stagnant. Or you're not sure how you will land said career job, so that keeps you from trying because there's no way you'll get that type of job without experience right? You could be contemplating moving across the country or to another country, but what if you don't like it? What if you miss your friends too much? It's not worth the risk, so you stay put.

I know someone who has been saying since we were 18 that she's going to move to California, we're 26 and she still says it but she's afraid to move her feet. The only reason I can think of as to why she's still in Virginia is because she has a great fear of the unknown, like the majority of us do. If you have been talking about doing something for over a year, then it's probably something you really want to do. So just do it already. What's the worst that can happen, you do it, don't like it and have to figure out a new plan? That sounds better to me than 5 years going by and you're still wondering, what if?

 In order to reach our full potential we must get rid of this illusion of fear. Fear really is an illusion. Most women are afraid of bugs because they look gross, not because they're going to bring harm to us, yet we squeal when we see them. Why? It's an illusion of fear, we aren't comfortable around bugs so they scare us. I used to be afraid of roaches until I moved in my first apartment in Atlanta, the complex was infested with roaches. The first few months I would freak when I saw them but after a while I was no longer afraid. I was used to them, seeing and killing roaches everyday became a routine.

 Going to our 9-5 boring low salary jobs are fine because we're comfortable, trying to find a new job in this economy is too scary so we stay put. People even tell us to stay put and not take that risk, they feed us fear so we eat it up. They tell you not to move away because the cost of living is expensive over there, there aren't any jobs there, the people there are crazy. We just gulp, gulp, gulp, swallow it all and sit and wait and wonder as time passes by. What are we waiting for? Seriously, what's the worst that can happen, it doesn't work out...oh well that just brings you one step closer to your destiny. What's the best that can happen...it works out and brings you one step closer to your destiny.

-Namaste

Take the risk, lose sight of the shore.