EGO-BASED DREAMS

Last year became serious for me, I went on soul search and asked God for direction. I decided to stop looking for answers; I had to wait around and just listen. Listen to what God was telling me to do. I've dug into many careers, dropped out of college 2 times; I went back to school this year with an iffy major. So I took a break because I needed to know why everything that I do feels "iffy". It's like I can never be too sure about my chosen career and if it's right for me. Well, while taking this break during 2013, it came to me, Jesus spoke to me, I had an aha! moment.

I was never comfortable with my career choices because they were based on EGO. Everything I wanted to do would (in my mind) lead me to fame. Makeup artist, personal trainer, producer, screenplay writer, photographer, advertising, etc. You name it, I've thought about it or tried it! Every step I've taken was with the intention of, eventually people will notice how great I am. People will see me everywhere. Everyone that has excluded me in the past will regret what they did, and they'll be jealous of me when they see me on a Jay Leno! Seriously, this has been my thought process for as long as I can remember.

Everything was ego, ego, ego. The need for acceptance and popularity were driving one of the most important decisions of my life. My Career! That's why nothing has fit me comfortably, I haven't been leading with my heart. If you knew what you wanted to do since you were born and never strayed from it, then that's great, kudos to you. But for us wanderers out there, know that you are not alone. The come to Jesus moment may not be the same reason as mine, but take some time to think about it. Is the career you think you want, based on your ego and not your heart? Is what you think you want to do based on the fact that you can possibly be famous or popular for doing so? Are you mid to late 20's/30'/40's and still haven't locked down a career? Do you think your "maybe" career will change your social status and improve your group of friends? If so, you may have an ego based dream.

It's just like the hundreds of rappers who are on the radio with one hit wonders. They don't care about the quality of their music, they just want the money, cars, clothes and hos. Then some quicker than others, their stars fade and they die out. It doesn't last because that's not what they're supposed to be doing. Their egos got them caught up and eventually back to square one. I've been a one hit wonder over the past 10 years, picking things up and putting them down. I thought at first it was my confidence that didn't allow me to follow through but it was actually my heart. I was never in love with any of my decisions. My latest college major of Communications is NOT me at all.

God was looking at me like "what are you doing girl?" and then finally stepped in to save my little soul. I thought, my major in Communications/Broadcast Journalism was right up my alley. I write, I like TV, working at a television studio would be cool. Let's read that last sentence again, I wanted to major in Communications because "working at a television studio would be cool". I'm giving myself a major side eye, don't worry you don't have to, I got it covered. Where was the passion and even a little bit of interest in that statement?! No wonder I would stumble over my words when people asked me about my major!

What I learned this year was to take ego out of my life. Ego ruins most things (if not everything) so why let your ego PICK your career? Stepping away from school once again got me an eye roll from most people involved in my life, here she goes again. For me, it was exactly what I needed to decide what's right for me and I know it for real this time. And it's way harder and much bolder than any other career choice I have made. I kept telling God NO! for many years, NOOO that's too hard, it's way too much work, I'm not smart enough, it's going to take me forever, NO!! Even though I resisted so much, God told me "don't worry I got you boo, trust me" or other choice words.

So this is it for real, I'm focusing on what I was supposed to be doing from the very start. In the summer I will be back at college studying Clinical Psychology. It's always been in the front of my mind and I always push it back because it's too hard to actually follow through. As we all know, with a degree in Psychology you can't get a decent job unless you have your Masters. Well God said, I'll do you one better..."You're going to get your PhD". Wait...What? That's the craziest goal I've ever had, no way is that possible. "If it wasn't possible, I wouldn't have given it to YOU" says this imaginative God.

So here I am excited about going back to school and eager for the amount of brain power I will have to use to accomplish this goal. I barely passed high school, and dropped out of college twice; how is it that I'M being called to work on a PhD? I've been in college for 9 years and I'm still a freshman! My ego has been stripped away and I know deep down I want to be a Psychologist. I don't want to be good at my job, I want to be great and to be MY best. I don't have a negative thought wrapped around this goal, not one. I know it's going to be hard, I know it's going to take many years but I'm not afraid this time, I'm not afraid of the outcome. Finally, I feel free.

Wait...I just got little butterflies. *bites nails*

Pray For Your Haters (Am I really saying this? lol)

You know you're doing something right when the devil tries to throw some shade. They say that when things are getting better for you and your life is going great there will be something or someone trying to mess with you. Two things can happen, you will either react and let the bad things take hold of you, or you will rise above and focus on the great things that are coming your way. I started my new job last Wednesday, so today was my 4th day of work. Today is the 4th day that my coworkers have known me, this is the 4th day that people have observed and made opinions about me. Well, I must have made a bad impression on one of my coworkers because today she decided to tell a manager some untrue things about my work ethic. I was absolutely floored when the manager approached me about this! Really?! My work ethic is superb and even if it wasn't it wouldn't effect her job in the slightest.

See, we work in the same department but our roles do not cross, I have nothing to do with her and she has nothing to do with me. So why the hate? What did I do to you in less than one week that you would try to mess with my job?! I ask that but I really don't care to know the answer because I KNOW that I did nothing to her. I've been kind and even tried to engage her so we could get to know each other better. When I noticed she wasn't reciprocating, I backed off. The manager made me aware of her comments not because he was reprimanding me, but because he was looking out for my black ass, in the sense. He never said her name, but I knew who he was talking about. He reminded me that as a "sista" (he's black) we need to work 10x harder and smarter than others to get ahead. It sucks but we must be on our P & Q's at all times because there is always someone who is going to try and bring us down, or call us out on our mistakes; even if we're not doing anything wrong.

I could take this information and retaliate or even let it bring me down but instead...INSTEAD, this just gave me the extra push I've been needing. In the past I have been a lazy worker, doing just enough to get by, showing up right on time or late, throwing something on & making it through the day. This is not the place for me to do that, everyone at this company works really hard and I want to be right there with them. At first, I sat on this information and boiled, my blood boiled and I wanted to do everything better because of her, because I know it would piss her off! But, I had to talk myself down and realize that doing anything, ANYTHING out of anger is only going to bring bad karma upon myself. Holding onto a negative emotion, even though I'll be working harder; negative energy would be sent out and what you give you get back 10 fold.

I cannot hold negative feelings towards her because that's not going to do me any good. Instead I need to live as I believe. And I believe that the only thing that overcomes hate is love. I know, it sounds hippie dippy but let's put it in Christian terms so you all will ride with me, "GOD IS LOVE", we are to live as God and Jesus would and that is to love. This girl made me mad and I can become negative and decide not to like her, but instead I choose to send her love and pray for her. I'm obviously doing something right and that's why this girl who doesn't know me sees me as a threat. Haven't we all been there though? We may not have tried to sabotage someones job but we all have tried to hurt someone else because of our own insecurities. If you say that you haven't, then I'm calling you a liar. Something as simple as talking shit or spreading a rumor knowing it could damage someones reputation is a form of sabotage. So yeah, we've all been that insecure.

What she's doing is not okay and there's obviously something deeper going on, whatever it is I just pray that she works it out with herself and her god before I have to *sigh*...okay...okay...keep praying for her. We must remember when someone is treating us badly for no reason it's because they see something within us that they don't think they possess within themselves. Unhappy people don't like happy people! Being jealous of someone is the worst feeling ever so I do pray that she overcomes the negative feelings towards me, she must feel horrible knowing that I feel so good. Jealousy is a bitch that way and it will eat you alive.

So let me not work my ass off out of spite for her, but out of love for myself. I want to succeed at work for my own happiness, not to anger someone else. This situation reminded me how far I've come. I'm not angry and I don't wish anyone harm, the old me would let this bother me forever but all I can do is pray, pray, pray. Not only for her sake but because I have to see her five days a week, and who wants to be around someone that doesn't like you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, your haters are your motivators,, blah blah blah, but they're also a pain in the ass and I'd rather my haters not sit next to me everyday. Pray for your haters so you can be a motivation to them, how about that instead? I don't hate on anyone...do you? I congratulate, and ask questions so I can emulate and give answers. You feel me?!

On that note! Namaste.

Dressing For The Job I Want. Part 2

The first day of my new job was great, I'm definitely going to be earning my salary. This job requires much more out of me than my last job. The office vibe and dress is much more casual than I expected for the women but I'm still going to be 100% everyday. Today I felt like I looked great until the Atlanta humidity got a hold of my freshly pressed hair and it frizzed up like a wet cat! First day with a bad hair day!!

But I looked good (for the most part), and felt good even though I was working off of 3 hours of sleep because I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about Oprah. Seriously.Thinking about being on her show and getting my own show, then NBC running a hour long documentary on me and my family. Seriously.

Anyways!! Here are some of my favorite office looks that I pinned on Pinterest that I'm going to try to recreate for my new career-ish. Since the office is more lax, I can get away with jeggings and more stylish outfits (as long as their dressy) and since I live in Atlanta I will have a shorter and possibly mild winter so I threw in some Spring/Summer looks as well.

BUSINESS CHIC---DRESS PANTS AND SLACKS

DRESSES AND SKIRTS

DON'T BE AFRAID OF BOLD COLORS IN THE OFFICE!

CASUAL FRIDAY

 Sorry for the odd formatting of the pictures!

Dressing For The Job I Want. Part 1

Tomorrow I start a new job! It's another Administrative job but it's already looking much better than where I was before. This position actually pays me real money and I have to dress up and show up everyday. They require me to work hard and learn new skills so that I can grow within the company and so that I can grow mentally. My last job just required me to show up when I could and wear what I want, because there was no opportunity for growth so they made it as comfortable as possible so I would never leave, even with shitty pay. I'm very excited to be working for a company that expects something out of me, this is exactly what I needed. If I'm going to work in an office I need to feel valued and grown. Before I was the bottom of the totem pole and everyone treated me like a little kid, so I played that role for them. I dumbed myself down and lowered myself to be what everyone wanted. I even dressed like a 21 year old and didn't care much about how I presented myself to the world. I basically just showed up everyday...never on time either.

During the interview with my new manager I asked him what the dress code was for the office and he replied with one of my favorite career tips; he said "the office is business casual, dress clothes and jeans on Friday BUT I always say DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT, NOT THE JOB YOU HAVE". This let me know he expects me to look 100% everyday. My last job, I rarely dressed up and when I did everyone made a big deal about me ACTUALLY looking so nice. This job is going to get me back in the mentality of showing up and being on point everyday. When you look good, you feel good. And I'm ready to look good and feel good everyday. There was a girl that worked in the building of my old job and she could dress her ass off, I would be excited to see her just to see what she was wearing that day. The women admired her and the men loved her, she was on point every.single.day. I would sit and wish that I could do that and that I could be that pretty everyday. It's not that I couldn't, it's that I didn't have the motivation.

Working a dead-end job, with little pay, no one cares what you look like....you stop caring after the depression from work kicks in. Now I have the chance to be that girl, the girl in the building that looks like she gives a damn and takes pride in herself. I think that's mostly what it was, when I go out with my friends I dress like it's my last night on earth. But since I didn't take pride in my job, I didn't take pride in myself while I was there. No one in our office did. Even if no one in my new office cares about how they look, I can't let them be the determining factor for my own looks. Not only do I need to dress for the job I want, I need to dress for the life I want. Even on the days when I feel like "throwing anything on" I know that's not going to make me feel good. Being self conscious about your outfit will ruin a perfectly good day. In and out the office I need to be 100% at all time! New Chapter, New (Same) Me!

The Comparison Trap

I've been feeling unfulfilled lately and that's why I decided to take a break from social media. Like I said; social media has become a comparison trap and I'm ready to break away. Pastor/ Teacher Andy Stanley explains why comparison is the thief of joy and why we need to stop. I've watched this sermon before but after I wrote my last blog, I was being called back to it. If you are stuck in a comparison trap I encourage you to take the time to watch the four part series. Enjoy!

The rest of the series can be found here: http://yourmove.is/watch/comparison-trap/

Social Media Purge

With all the recent changes taking place I've been doing a lot of self reflection. This June, I will be out of High School 10 years already! Most would say it doesn't feel like it and the years flew by, but it definitely feels like I've been out of school for quite some time. Over the past 10 years I have been an active member of Facebook, taking an occasional break here and there. I've watched/monitored/stalked former classmates, old friends, and enemies. Recently, I've become an avid user of Instagram. Posting pictures and selfies with the hopes of "likes" an admiration from my followers, uh I mean friends. While on Instagram I tend to get sucked into the black hole of "who is that and what do they do?" You know, someone you know posts a picture of someone or likes someones picture, so you go on that other persons page, then end up on a friend of that friends page and so on. Before you know it you have to hit back 5 times before you end up back where you're supposed to be.Only 2 or 3 of my actual friends use Instagram and a few use Facebook, everyone else...people I used to know or don't know at all.

My life I would say is very boring, close to extremely boring. When I post on Instagram it's usually of my dog or a selfie of me. When I actually do go out and enjoy life, I make sure to post it on the Internet so no one thinks I'm a total hermit. Even though I don’t see these people on a regular basis, I’m so worried about what they’re thinking of me and my life. Yet, I’m always in their business trying to figure out whose doing what and if I’m better than them or not. Even though we’re not in high school we’re still on a status ranking. There’s the popular kids with great jobs, the popular kids because of their looks and the unpopular kids who people talk to every once and a while. If this was 15 years ago and I was 27 back then, I wouldn't know about anybody else’s life from high school unless they were my close friends. I’m keeping up with these people to be nosey. I’m just checking on whose getting married to who, who is still single like me. Who got fat and ugly. There are a lot of people from high school that are not on these social media sites and they are living their lives without worrying about the rest of us.

I've spent too much time in other peoples business and not making enough business of my own. I’m definitely taking a purge. Starting December 1st I will take a leave from social media. I won’t get back on social media and or phone games (Candy Crush addict here) until I’m where I need to be in my life. I don’t need any distractions, whether that takes 6 months or 6 years, I'm off. I don’t need to inform people if I’m doing well or not. I don’t need people to judge if I’m cute when I go out. They don’t need to know if I’m having fun or staying in on the weekends. I need to thrive and I can’t thrive with eyes on my back, knowing that they can care less if I succeed or fail. And I can't thrive if I'm focused on what Billy and Jane ate for dinner.

Is social media stunting our growth? It’s definitely a comparison trap. You get caught up in comparing and you end up living other peoples lives instead of your own. It’s funny because I’m worried about losing followers if I take a break from Instagram! How is that possible to care about that?! Yes, Instagram could enhance your career if you’re promoting something or yourself. But most of the time, we are following people that have nothing to do with our everyday lives.Without social media, no one will be watching and I will have nothing to prove to anyone. I can just live my life the way I want without worrying if I’m good enough. I’m so ready to drop this social media circus.This day in age social media has turned into “I’m better than you at this and you’re not on my level with that”, then the others are left looking up to those who are living their life, watching with admiration and not trying to live up to their own.

I really think this purge is exactly what I need. Before the world of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, I was much more motivated and confident. When I wanted something I went after it and I didn't stop to think what Becky from the 10th grade is going to think. Before all of this I didn't take them time of out my day to get a recent update of people haven't talked to in years or those who didn't like me back in the day. Don't you hate those people? The ones who were mean to you or didn't talk to you in School but now want to follow you on every social site? Right now for me, it's all very unproductive and I'm ready to let it go. I already deactivated my Facebook and deleted my Twitter. Instagram is going to take the extra week...don't judge my addiction.

-Namaste

Self Hate or Preference?

"To straighten or not straighten, that is the question" of my life! I have been natural for over 5 or 6 years now, I returned to natural before it even became a thing. I went natural because I refused to pay for a relaxer at the salon and I knew I was damaging my hair by continuing to apply it myself. Once I realized that my new growth was manageable without creamy crack, I let it grow out and that was that. I didn't have a big "come to" moment like most naturalista's did. It wasn't a long thought out back and forth decision, it was easy. 

Though I was natural I still straightened my hair with my very hot and expensive Chi flat iron. It was only last year when I laid off the heat for an extended period of time. I went 8 months without any heat, no flat irons, blow dryers, nothing. I straightened it after 8 months to give it a proper trim and my hair was long and lovely. After that, I went back to my protective no heat styles and even tried out Marley Twists for a few months. After those came out I straightened to trim again. Then back to the curls. Now I'm back to heat because I'm looking for a job and I don't need anyone turning me down because my hair is not to their comfort level. You say "Laneé, who cares what they think, if they don't hire you because of your hair you don't want to work there anyways". FALSE. Right now is not a time to stand up for my rights (I have bills to pay), this is the world we live in and sometimes we have to get on our knees to get what we want. I always wear my hair straight for interviews then go back to natural if I get the job, now; if they say something to me after I start work about my curls THEN we will have a problem. The straight hair in the beginning is just to be safe. That's life. 

Anyways, I got off subject. So, now that my hair is straight, I'm really loving it this way and I'm thinking about keeping it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my curls, like...LOVE LOVE LOVE them! When I get through washing my hair I can't wait to touch and feel my natural curls. A wash and go is always easy and fun. Twist-outs and natural styles are also always fun to play around with...when you have the time. BUT, I don't like the way I look with my hair natural AS MUCH as I do with my hair straight. I've come to realize that I feel better and more attractive with my hair straightened. I'm more confident when taking pictures and just going out and about in the day. I rarely take pictures of myself with natural curls. Like I said, I love my curly hair but I don't have that same confidence as I do with my flowing tresses. I even get more compliments when my hair is worn curly and I love seeing my naturalistas out in public, but I don't think it's for me...as a lifestyle.

Above: Twist out, camera phone pic w/ filter.
Below: Straightened hair before trim, webcam pic, no filter. 

When the whole "natural" lifestyle got popular I felt a sense of comfort knowing that there are more black women returning to their natural hair and embracing it. Then I became obsessed like most of us natural girls do when we first transition. My whole world became "how to grow natural hair" and a whole list of "how to's" for natural hair. It's like I had to become this thing that everyone else was becoming, I felt more connected to black women than I ever have before. I had something that no one could call me a white girl for...a head full of naps and I loved it. Peoples perception of me did change a little and I noticed people looked at me differently and talked to me differently, like I was now officially black because I have nappy hair. And that was just fine with me. Maybe that's why I held onto the natural styles for as long as I did. I didn't want to straighten my hair like a "white girl" because it's a reason for people to think negatively of me. Thin, small booty, proper speech and straight hair that I play with 24/7, yup that's a white girl! 

I'm over that now and doing what I want for me. Black women wear the longest, silkiest (so far from their own hair texture) weaves and nobody says boo to them, so if I can get the same results with my own hair then I will do just that! Natural is in, I'm halfway out. I'm not totally out of the natural game, I will always be natural because I only flat iron my hair it to get it straight. I'm still going to rock my curly tresses and natural styles when I feel like it. But for the most part I will be rocking my hair straight. Besides the way it looks, the maintenance on straight hair is so much easier! I Spent many days trying to figure out if I was hating on myself, but I love myself enough to know that this is not self-hate but simple a preference. 

Now..."how to grow and maintain long hair while still using heat". lol. 

Namaste

Wait, I Just Realized I'm A Back Pocket Girl!

Urban Dictionary defines as a back pocket girl as: "A girl that a guy keeps on the side (or in his ‘back pocket’) for when things in his current relationship go badly or end all together." 

I love all these new nicknames for situations that have existed forever, so fun! Anyways, a back-pocket girlfriend is not to be confused with a "side chick". The back pocket relationship doesn't have to be sexual, it's really more of an emotional connection the guy is having with a girl he knows that he could see himself with in the long run. A back pocket girl is the girl that a man keeps on the side or just "around" for when he's ready to either be in a relationship and settle down, or when he's ready to leave his current relationship all together. The man usually has feelings for this girl but isn't ready to make an actual commitment due to one of the previously mentioned reasons.

Many of us have been there before and some without realizing it. I've always known what this was and have seen it played out many times and thought how silly it was for the girl to not realize what was happening until...it happened to me.

During the past year I have really made tremendous strides when it came to dealing with my unhealthy relationships with men. In this instance, I decided to let go of a friend because I developed feelings for him while knowing he was in a relationship. We would talk and innocently flirt and I noticed that I started to become more open with him. I wanted to share more of myself with him everyday and I couldn't wait to talk to him. Much deeper than normal friendship talk.

The feelings were growing faster and the jealousy started to get to me. At one point I blew up at him because he left hanging out with me to go see his girlfriend. After he left I broke down crying thinking, what the fuck am I doing? I have lost my mind, this is not okay. It was okay, because I recognized the problem and did something about it. I knew that I couldn't allow this friendship to continue. So I grew the balls to tell him how I felt.

It was never my intention to try and get him to end his current relationship, even though in the back of my mind I of course wanted to be with him. I just wanted to be honest with him so 1. I could feel free and not live with this silly secret, and 2. So he would know why I stopped returning his calls and texting him. We've been friends for many years so he would find it odd that I would ignore him suddenly, I had to give him respect. When I told him, I didn't get the response I wanted. I wanted him to understand my feelings and why I have to end the friendship, then leave me alone completely. That didn't happen, he said he understood but he wasn't letting go of our friendship. I again explained to him that it wasn't fair to me to have to be friends with someone that I want to be more than friends with and he shouldn't want me to have an unrequited love. He said he understood but again, he wasn't letting it go. I told him I would just ignore him forever, but I didn't.

The phone calls became more frequent because I was ignoring him (makes anyone blow you up) but then I started to answer the text messages. Then shortly after that, the phone calls. Then we hung out. I thought to myself that maybe I could do this, I just needed to get over him and we could be friends.

Recently, he asks me about my love life and seems elated when I say that it's piss poor. He tells me that he'll be jealous when I get a boyfriend. Mind you, he has a girlfriend. He's never expressed dating me even when he was single...which was many moons ago when we "talked" on that level. He tells me about his girlfriend trouble and I go to him for advice on men. We are there for each other and it's always pleasant.

After a phone conversation the other night, I hung up the phone and thought...Oh Em Gee, I'm his back pocket girl...

How did I get here when I was supposed to stop talking to him months ago! I let him go already! What am I doing?!

Not only did I fall back into having feelings for him, I also realized my disturbing role in his life. I'm the girl he's keeping around for the "just in case" or "when I'm ready". He's keeping me around on purpose, he's not here for the sex and he knows he can't get that without a commitment. So that would be a waste of his energy and he knows it, he can get that from anyone. Of course sex is in the back of every mans mind, but that's not his main goal here, otherwise he would have tried in the more recent years. He's not here for just a regular friendship otherwise the conversations would be less frequent and a lot more casual.

He just needs to know that I'm going to be around when he's ready, otherwise he would let me go. As adults you understand that some people aren't supposed to stay in your life forever and for whatever reasons we need to let them go. If he never expressed jealousy or flirtation I wouldn't think anything of this. If he would have said, "I don't feel the same way, sorry this friendship has to end", I would understand. But he's here, holding on for dear life making sure I don't go too far. Keeping a watchful eye out on me. He's here, in my life still.

In my heart of hearts, I want him. I want to be the one for him when he's ready because I know that when he is ready to be a great boyfriend to someone , I want that someone to be me. *He's not happy in his current relationship but won't end it, therefore he's not ready/ mature enough to be in a relationship with anyone, not even me*

My life won't allow me to play second fiddle though; as soon as I realized that I'm a back pocket girl, again I realized that I need to get out of this friendship. Again, I have to tell him that I can't talk to him anymore and really stop this time. I don't ignore him right now because duh, I like him. Even though I'm actively perusing other men and dating, in the back of my mind it feels like I'm just waiting around for him to take me out of his pocket and put me on a pedestal. When he calls to check on me, I always want to check his dating status as well...making sure I'm still in the running. No beuno behavior.

No, this is not a side-chick situation. This is more than that, this is the misdirection of feelings and friendship. This is what happens when people are afraid to do what they feel and let go of whats wrong. The first time I walked away, I felt free and empowered...currently waking up back in the same place feels very limiting. I'm blocking my destiny because my destiny is not tied to anyone who is tied to someone else.

If you ever find yourself wondering if you're a back pocket girl, then the answer is 'YES'. If you have to think about it then you know the truth. And the truth shall set you free. Well, you have to recognize the truth, then you have to set yourself free.

-Namaste

Living Room Life

The fun thing about moving into your own space (or back into your own space in my case) is that you get to decorate! I'm moving into a less desirable city a little bit outside of Atlanta, but what sold me was the actual apartment itself. I could have stayed in the nice part of town and paid the same price for a smaller space with 80's appliances. But I opted for the so-so area and a really nice place. I spend most of my time at home anyways so I'd much rather have a fabulous abode to come home to. My move-in date is less than 30 days away and all I can think about is decorating. The last few apartments I rented I didn't decorate at all and it was completely uninspiring. So now, Pinterest is my bestest friend!

I'm a little stuck in regards to living room styles. One side of me is all about cozy shabby chic, with the creams, pastels, soft grey, wood and romance. The other side of me is saying, modern sassy chic; with chevron patterns, bright accent pieces, gold and glass. I can't decide! My living room/ dining room is just one really long open room, so I would have to blend the room design so that will play a lot into it as well. Here's some of my inspiration from my Pinterest boards. I'm trying to find a happy medium.

I think this place is a perfect combination of the two! My Fave!

I love the pillows and coffee tables!

 Striped curtains just might happen somewhere in my house! 

 Loving the girlishness of this space! 

 These chairs, I die! 

I have a very similar couch, so that's what I'm working around.

 Must have flowers in new space! 

 Honestly...who wouldn't want to cuddle with me in a space like this?! 

 Loving every accent piece! 

Chevron rug, wooden table, sparkle vase...good combo!

 Glittery, girly and comfy! 

Table design...well mostly just the sparkly vase!

 Spanish style chic...love the colors!

I'm clearly leaning towards the pastel and muted colors, with sparkles thrown in every way I can. I love a beautifully decorated home but I also like it too look and be comfortable. A stylish INVITING home is what I'm going for. I'm very excited!