It's So Simple

I can't make any excuses for my lack of exercise and yoga practice even though I want to. I just haven't been keeping up with it even though I have all the time in the world. It's probably been a month since I've done either and this weekend I realized that it's not acceptable for me to be living the way I am. This half-ass life. 

Start. Stop. Start. Stop. See Results. Stop. Take 5 Steps Back. Start Over. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. 

Tonight I started back with my yoga, if you remember I started doing yoga to be able to perform the splits and before I stopped I made significant progress in my stretching so I was a little worried that I would be back at square one. I wasn't thank God! Yoga is tough if you don't know so I was dreading having to start all over and work my way back up, but luckily only a few stretches are slightly off. What I really need to be doing is adding a few new stretches into my routine, and keep it up forever. 

Tomorrow comes the gym and weight lifting. I lost a lot of weight from eating healthy and exercising (go figure) because it really is that simple. What I also lost was my ass, it didn't bother me that other people were talking about my lack of ass but it bothered me because my ass really did disappear. It was the flattest I have ever seen it in my life. I was not okay with that because it was already minuscule. So, I've been stuffing my face for the past month and I gained my booty back...along with flabby arms and a flabby belly. It's summertime and I need to be in a bikini ASAP, which means I need to be in a gym asap. Also, along with the unwanted flab came the sickness. You are what you eat, if you eat unhealthy food you will be/feel unhealthy. Everyday I feel uncomfortable and sick, my skin looks bad and my nails are weak. Crazy right? Tomorrow I will continue stuffing my face, but only with healthy real foods. The first day back in the gym is going to kick my ass, but my ass and the rest of my body needs it. 

I never wanted to grow up and be this inconsistent woman with no sense of routine or structure. For a little while I believed that people with sporadic lives with no day to day plans were cool, but I realize now that a productive successful life needs order, structure and routine. So here I go, holding myself to a higher standard and thanking myself for it everyday. 

-Namaste

When It Hits You

Lianne La Havas- "Elusive" (Official Music Video) 

I'm pretty sure I'm late on this Lianne La Havas train but at least I got on, right? I always listen to "Lost and Found" when it comes on the radio but I never looked her up, well until 2 days ago. I've been listening to her music non-stop since. This woman, this amazing woman is making my life right now. I love a good vocal, good music, good lyrics. So therefore I love her. "Elusive" is by far my favorite song off her album "Is Your Love Big Enough". I can't get enough of it. Then when I saw the video! Yes! It's like that! It's rare these days to see a video that matches the beauty of a song, simple, elegant, beauty.




*The second part to the video is for her song "Gone" (Watch it Here) and it will move you. Promise.

What I Learned About Discipline From My Dog

That picture on the right there...that's me and my dog Javier. Javier is a 1 year old Chihuahua and he's amazing. I brought him home from the Humane Society in October when he was just under a 1 year old. He was already potty trained when I got him which made me love him anymore. When I first got Javier he was scared and calm, he stuck to my schedule without trying to fight it in any way. He did what I told him to do and I was the master. It's been 8 months and Javier has become very comfortable. For the most part I love it, he has the biggest personality I've even seen in a dog. We know exactly what he's saying because that's how precise his body language is, he has very human like qualities about him, I love it.

Recently I noticed that he has to go to the bathroom more often than normal. So when he has to go, I take him because I don't want him to go in the house. The other day I took him to that bathroom 6 times in 5 hours, seriously. Did I mention I live on the forth floor, no elevator? Javier used to be a 3 times maybe 4 times a day dog, once in the morning, once when I got home from work, and once before bed. That's it! So what changed? I did. Javier was disciplined and had a very strict schedule, he knew that if he didn't do his business the first time then he would have to wait. Now, I take him out when ever he jumps so he knows now that he can go whenever he wants to. I used to just feed him at night, now I feed him half in the morning and half at night. His routine is all jacked up.

House dogs are very routine animals and they only do what the master allows them to do. I let this animal act a fool so now he tests his boundaries and I accommodate with an attitude. Today I realized that my dog is a reflection of me, I have no routine, I have no structure, that's why at times my life can seem so chaotic  Nothing gets done because I switch things up so much, I need a routine. I need to stop giving myself so much leeway  I'm like my dog I give myself an inch and I'll take a mile. Knowing that things can get done 'whenever' makes me procrastinate. Today, Javier has been put back on schedule. Today, I need to put myself on a schedule so I can get stuff done. Dogs are smart, they understand the need for order and discipline. They might not like it, but they respect it.

I Had A Dream You Were The Ocean

Is there something that's holding you back from reaching your full potential? We all have these vision boards, whether literal vision boards on our walls or the mental vision boards in our heads. Everyday we envision what we want our lives to look like and we map out how we're going to do it. The problem is that there is often very little follow through and I'm guilty of that. Rarely we follow through because we're unsure of the outcome and we question our own vision. How will I get to XYZ and what if I get there and it doesn't work out. We are afraid of what we can't see.

For example, you're ready to make a career change  but the fear of being unhappy even in a new career keeps you stagnant. Or you're not sure how you will land said career job, so that keeps you from trying because there's no way you'll get that type of job without experience right? You could be contemplating moving across the country or to another country, but what if you don't like it? What if you miss your friends too much? It's not worth the risk, so you stay put.

I know someone who has been saying since we were 18 that she's going to move to California, we're 26 and she still says it but she's afraid to move her feet. The only reason I can think of as to why she's still in Virginia is because she has a great fear of the unknown, like the majority of us do. If you have been talking about doing something for over a year, then it's probably something you really want to do. So just do it already. What's the worst that can happen, you do it, don't like it and have to figure out a new plan? That sounds better to me than 5 years going by and you're still wondering, what if?

 In order to reach our full potential we must get rid of this illusion of fear. Fear really is an illusion. Most women are afraid of bugs because they look gross, not because they're going to bring harm to us, yet we squeal when we see them. Why? It's an illusion of fear, we aren't comfortable around bugs so they scare us. I used to be afraid of roaches until I moved in my first apartment in Atlanta, the complex was infested with roaches. The first few months I would freak when I saw them but after a while I was no longer afraid. I was used to them, seeing and killing roaches everyday became a routine.

 Going to our 9-5 boring low salary jobs are fine because we're comfortable, trying to find a new job in this economy is too scary so we stay put. People even tell us to stay put and not take that risk, they feed us fear so we eat it up. They tell you not to move away because the cost of living is expensive over there, there aren't any jobs there, the people there are crazy. We just gulp, gulp, gulp, swallow it all and sit and wait and wonder as time passes by. What are we waiting for? Seriously, what's the worst that can happen, it doesn't work out...oh well that just brings you one step closer to your destiny. What's the best that can happen...it works out and brings you one step closer to your destiny.

-Namaste

Take the risk, lose sight of the shore. 

Sometimes You Have To Go It Alone

My mom says I deserve a vacation. I say EVERYONE deserves a vacation. Even people who don't work hard and people who don't work at all, everyone deserves to get away from their everyday life and see the outside of their city, state, country. I saw on a news special that in Paris it's the LAW that employees aren't allowed to work over 40 hours a week and they MUST use their 2 MONTHS vacation time. Even if they don't want to...they have to take off work. Can you imagine? Must be nice. They interviewed a Parisian store owner and asked him why Parisians let people take so much time off, his reply was something like this; "Americans work way too much, they don't take time to enjoy life, they are work work work, and IF you worked hard enough and long enough and if you get too stressed out THEN you deserve a vacation, then you deserve to have fun. We don't need a reason to have fun or take a break, we don't have to 'earn' it because we always deserve to be happy." *Now that I wrote that I don't think I saw it on the news or maybe it wasn't Paris. I don't know but either way I came across some version of that conversation/interview, it happened I just can't remember the details.*

After I saw that I sat back and thought about my dad, the man who works and works and works and doesn't enjoy life. He never uses his vacation days and he doesn't like to go anywhere. If someone says they want to go on vacation he questions why they deserve to take a break. How hard do you have to work before you're allowed to enjoy life without guilt? I'm not buying a home anymore so I have a little money chunk sitting in the bank. I haven't really worked hard this past year, I didn't do great in school this semester so if we are going by the American way of thinking that means I don't deserve a vacation. I don't deserve a break from the very routine life I live, I should stick to the routine for another year and see if I do better, then I can break if there is vast improvement in my life.

Today, tomorrow and everyday from here on out...I'm a Parisian (in my heart). I'm going on vacation and I'm not going to feel bad about it AT ALL. Oh My God! I'm finally going on a vacation!! It's been 6 years since my 1st real vacation. I'm going to ask a few friends if they want to join me on a nice European tour (that was my first vacation, Italy/Greece/Turkey tour), they are long tours and usually all inclusive. Here's the thing, I know my friends and only 1 maybe 2 will even consider going. Not because my friends wont want to go but because like me, money can be funny. My money is not funny right now so I want to use it to LIVE and enjoy myself. I'm a single woman so I can't ask a boyfriend, though it would be nice to vacation with a man. If my 1 maybe 2 friends say no, I've already accepted the fact that I'm probably going it alone. And that's scary as faaaaack.

I don't really think anything bad will happen to me if I travel alone, I don't even really think I would get bored. I'll more than likely be with a group of people that are in my tour majority of the time. I'm of course going to read up on traveling alone and make sure I know all the safety tips. The scary part is DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE. I've never even eaten at a restaurant alone, so going to a different country by myself is a massive deal. Years ago I went to see Sex and the City 2 by myself a month after it came to theaters because I got tired of waiting for my friends to go see it with me. If I keep waiting for my friends to be ready to go on vacation (which I have been for 3 years now) then I will probably never leave the state. I would love it if my friends came with me, but if they don't I can't take a seat and miss out on life.

This is where my fearless FEAR LESS kicks in. I'm going on vacation this year no matter what, no matter what. Just the thought of it makes my heart sing, I can feel a little light inside me when I think about stepping into a different country. I haven't decided when or where I want to go yet, but right now I'm thinking Spain in August. I will host my own version of Eat, Pray Love. I don't have any reason not to go, there is nothing holding me back. I choose my own path. I can choose to be scared and wait for my friends or I can go it alone and see what life gives me in return.

-Namaste

I'm Not Moving

I decided to renew my lease with my roommate, I was originally supposed to move in July but she's getting married in December so I can hold out until then. I was pressed to move because, I didn't tell anyone but...I was going to buy a condo. I found a few that I loved and my bids weren't high enough so people outbid me, at the time I was bummed out, now I see it as a blessing. Buying a home is a big step and commitment and it was a commitment I was ready to make. I was ready to make the commitment, not spend the money. I have the money to do so and the credit, I've been saving my money fairly well and I saved my tax return. It was so hard not to do anything rachet with my return; like buy some Malaysian Silky or go on a shopping spree. If I would've bought a house all of my savings would be gone, I would move in with zero in my savings and I would be stuck in my new house because I can't afford to go out anywhere. So mentally, yes I was ready to buy a house. Realistically, no I'm not ready.

It was something I wanted to do because I felt like I haven't accomplished anything significant yet. Owning a home to me was saying "No I don't have a college degree yet, no I'm not married, no I don't have any kids, no I don't have a career, but hey I own a home so I'm a grown up too". My mortgage would be cheaper than rent but the initial moving and set up and home buying expenses would set me back and frankly...I'm tired of being set back. My path isn't the same as everyone else, my life isn't like everyone else so why am I comparing my progress with theirs? Owning a home would be nice but now that I'm being more real with myself, it's not a top priority. I want to have money in the bank, I want to travel, I want to go out, that's where I am in life. I might be late but I showed up. I'm learning to live and love and be me without the worry of judgement. Everything with work out in it's own time, I will own a home at the right time. In December I might be singing a different song but for right now, I'm good.

-Namaste