Ask, Believe, Receive! Oh, And Say Thank You!

One of my main goals this year is to work on SELF, my mind needed a major overhaul so I have been consistently day in and day out working on myself. I've been feeling great and I have seen vast improvements when it comes to my state of mind. I'm more open and happy, a little less shy and a lot less selfish. For the most part things have been great. I've been asking, believing and receiving the things in life I've been wanting. Last week I was in a major funk and I still am to be quite honest, but I realized in all my funkiness that I haven't thanked God in a long time. I do my usual memorized prayer every night that gives thanks to God for my family, friends and life, but I haven't taken the time out to really thank Him for the little things in my life.

Last week I was mad at the world, everything and everybody was pissing me off for no reason. I had to take a major step back to breathe and count my blessings. Was what I'm upset about really that serious? Does it take away from everything else that is beautiful in my life? The answer is no.

When things are going really well in our lives we tend to forget what it was like when life wasn't so good. I've been so happy and I never stopped to say thanks for all the new-found happiness I've been receiving. I stopped praying and I stopped thanking. Maybe, my nasty mood was the devil trying to bring me down or maybe it was God trying to pull me up. He's pulled me up so far when I asked him to and now that I'm closer to the top, I tend to forget what the bottom feels like. I forgot the anger and hurt I was holding onto for years, I forgot what it felt like to feel lonely, I forgot what it was like to be broke, I forgot what it was like to be rejected. And all of those feelings came down on me at one time and I couldn't handle it. 

Instead of figuring out those feeling I lashed out then crawled back inside of my shell where it's safe. That's not where I want to be at all so I had to decide if it was bad enough that I had to derail my progress because of it. Instead of starting over from 21 and being depressed, my 26 year old self decided to be grateful. I spent the day thinking of things that I'm grateful for; the trees, my dog, my family, my friends, my car, my job, my skin, my hair, my life! Even though I'm not where I want to be and things don't always go my way, I have to keep my eyes open to the good around me otherwise I'm going to miss out. 

Take the time to be grateful and thank God (or whatever higher power you believe in) every single day for everything about your life. If you woke up today, you are better off than a lot of people. Everyday is a gift and we must rejoice and be glad about it. Your problems will fade away once you focus your energy on all things positive. Instead of spending your days complaining about your problems, invest your energy in saying thank you for the good that you do have in your life and you will get more of it...PROMISE. 

-Namaste

It's So Simple

I can't make any excuses for my lack of exercise and yoga practice even though I want to. I just haven't been keeping up with it even though I have all the time in the world. It's probably been a month since I've done either and this weekend I realized that it's not acceptable for me to be living the way I am. This half-ass life. 

Start. Stop. Start. Stop. See Results. Stop. Take 5 Steps Back. Start Over. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. 

Tonight I started back with my yoga, if you remember I started doing yoga to be able to perform the splits and before I stopped I made significant progress in my stretching so I was a little worried that I would be back at square one. I wasn't thank God! Yoga is tough if you don't know so I was dreading having to start all over and work my way back up, but luckily only a few stretches are slightly off. What I really need to be doing is adding a few new stretches into my routine, and keep it up forever. 

Tomorrow comes the gym and weight lifting. I lost a lot of weight from eating healthy and exercising (go figure) because it really is that simple. What I also lost was my ass, it didn't bother me that other people were talking about my lack of ass but it bothered me because my ass really did disappear. It was the flattest I have ever seen it in my life. I was not okay with that because it was already minuscule. So, I've been stuffing my face for the past month and I gained my booty back...along with flabby arms and a flabby belly. It's summertime and I need to be in a bikini ASAP, which means I need to be in a gym asap. Also, along with the unwanted flab came the sickness. You are what you eat, if you eat unhealthy food you will be/feel unhealthy. Everyday I feel uncomfortable and sick, my skin looks bad and my nails are weak. Crazy right? Tomorrow I will continue stuffing my face, but only with healthy real foods. The first day back in the gym is going to kick my ass, but my ass and the rest of my body needs it. 

I never wanted to grow up and be this inconsistent woman with no sense of routine or structure. For a little while I believed that people with sporadic lives with no day to day plans were cool, but I realize now that a productive successful life needs order, structure and routine. So here I go, holding myself to a higher standard and thanking myself for it everyday. 

-Namaste

Hello Stranger! PGC 2013

Ello Stranga! Is what I really said in my head. I like to throw on a British accent from time to time. 

I am shy and awkward in certain social situations. If alcohol isn't involved it takes me a long time to warm up to people and feel comfortable talking to them. I'm not that girl who introduces herself to everyone in the room with a bright smile on her face. I will definitely smile but I just might not speak to you. When I was younger I was ridiculously shy...ridiculously. As an adult I want to be more social,  introduce myself to strangers and make more connections. 

That's something I've been working on lately. No more Mrs. Shy Girl. Another Personal Growth Challenge for me. 

One thing that really brightens my day is when a complete stranger says hello to me. It's so simple yet profound. I can be in a bad mood or even the best mood, but when a stranger passing me by in the isle of the grocery store or in a parking lot shouts "Hello!!! How are you?" I think, I'm great now that you spoke to me!! It warms my heart that someone feels brave enough to speak to someone they don't know and will probably never see again. I've tried the hello a few times and have been ignored...which used to make me feel awkward. Now I just laugh it off; why wouldn't you a LEAST speak back? Asshole. The rejection is going to come but there might be someone like me and a simple hello makes their heart smile. 

A reason I feel so awkward at times is because I hate when people listen to my conversations. Whether I'm on the phone, talking to someone in public, even when customers are in the lobby. My conversation is short when I think someone who's not in the conversation is listening to what I'm saying. I have to break out of my comfort zone and engage fully in conversations no matter what. This will be great skill to develop so I will feel more comfortable while networking and starting out in my career. A way I've decided to practice is talking to cashiers and customer service workers, "How's your day going?" "Ready for the weekend?" "How was your holiday?". Something, anything to break out of my comfort zone. 

A perfect example of a missed connection and possible date 

(well I'm sure he had a girlfriend or date but still): 

I was grocery shopping and I was walking down the isle and BAM! A TALL cute man standing in front of me! I smiled and kept it moving, checking him out in my peripheral every few seconds trying to feel him out. I lost him because of an isle change and found myself looking at pancake mix  a few minutes later when he strolled into my isle and stopped right behind me looking at brownie mix on the other side. I turned a few times to see what he had in his basket, a man doesn't just shop for brownie mix on a Friday evening. His basket had "date" foods in them, I could tell. He was struggling to make a decision before he called someone (his lady friend I presume) for help. Either way I wanted to say something witty to him like "Trouble with the massive brownie selection? I can help, I'm a connoisseur of boxed brownies" He would've smiled and fell in love with me, smashed his phone so he didn't have to hear from Ms. Too Lazy To Get The Brownies Herself anymore, then we would've went out on a date, and married May 2015. Perfect. Missed connection. 

Does your shyness or awkwardness keep you from speaking to strangers OR are you naturally outgoing and bubbly? 

Blurbs

I rarely check my mail and when I do I never open it. School has never been my thing, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!! I'm just in college right now because I know this is something I need to do, my goal this semester was to get straight A's...not happening. Well, I finally opened my mail that I've been collecting on my nightstand for 3 weeks and there was 2 letters from my school asking me to accept my membership into the honors society! Whaaatttt, I've attended 2 colleges before and never been asked to be in anybody's society because I never had the grades. My first year at this current college I did really well, so they wanted me to join. Deadline was February 4th. Of course it was. Now I'm not doing my best so they aren't going to ask me again anytime soon. I couldn't believe it, I was so happy and proud of myself, I achieved something I never thought I could...even though I missed the deadline.

Other than that, I have so many plans for this blog and I know the aesthetics keep changing but the content is still the same. I'm not sure of what I want my blog to actually look like yet, so I keep playing around with it. There are many elements, topics and features I want to add to the blog. Such BIG plans I have tucked away in my idea journal that I need to incorporate onto this lovely little blog of mine. I also wanted to share more personal post and pictures, I need to save up for a real digital camera so I can do that. I hate using my phone. This blog and I are a work in progress, please be patient with me.

Life is GREAT! I have begun to experience a level of happiness that I've never been able to reach before in my life. This is the deep rooted happiness that surrounds your life even when nothing is happening. That's what I'm going through right now. I am falling in love with life.

Tax time! Please oh please do NOT be ignorant with your tax return. If you have goals to save your money or start a business, use your return to invest in your future...not your wardrobe. This year I'm finally getting a decent return and it's going straight into my savings. I would love some new clothes and gadgets but I can't tell you how many times large sums of money have come into my possession and I blew it all. I can't even tell you what I spent it all on, but it's gone. If you take care of your money and are smart with it, you will get more of it. Respect your refund check!

I'm really saving my refund because I'm moving in a few months. I feel like I'm always moving or I'm never settled anywhere. That might just be part of growing up and being on your own, finding a place that feels like home. When I moved last July, I moved in with a roommate...horrible idea. I don't dislike my roommate, I just dislike having a roommate. I love, love, love living on my own. I love only having people in the house if I want them there and if I invited them over. I love being alone in my thoughts and in my projects. My roommate is away for the weekend and I remember how much I enjoy solitude. I get a lot more accomplished on my own and my focus is intensified. When I get married I'm sure I will love having my husband as a roommate but for now, just me and my dog will suffice.

GET BACK ON TRACK!!!! It's a month and a half into 2013 and we all have goals of how this year is going to be our year. We started on those goals and got off track with some of them, it's okay just hop back on the track. Start from where you are, take the time to figure out what you need to do, adjust the straps and get going! I fell off on the saving money, so today I paid bills and reset my budget on mint.com. Remember to stay on top of your finances you need to be checking your accounts at least once a week. I like to check mine every other day. I also fell off with my school work, I'm just not in the mood this semester. I have no choice but to get on track with that so I adjusted my schedule so I can spend 3 hours a day on my homework.

Whatever it is you need to do to be where you want to be, just get to it! Distractions are going to pop up and throw you off track, you just have to fix the problem before it grows. Enjoy life and face your fears, save money and watch your possibilities grow. Be the best you, you can be!

PGC 2013: Challenge #2: Yoga

Somewhere between boredom and insanity I fell in love with yoga. Not actually practicing yoga but looking at pictures of people doing yoga. I've taken a yoga class or two before and thought it was the best thing ever, oh my gosh I have to do it again and again and again! Yeah, that enthusiasm wore off real quick, I haven't stepped into a yoga class in years. I was on my fitness Tumblr a few weeks ago and I saw a post on "Yoga for the Splits", I never thought about training my body to do the splits; I thought either you were born that way or not. I was not but I envied those naughty girls who were. So I began the simple stretches every night and I noticed progress. I stopped doing it for some reason that I can't remember, oh yeah that's right I quit everything duh! This year I'm not going to be a quitter damn-it! Not only do I want to be able to do the splits by the end of the year, I want to master one more yoga pose. I look at pictures of yogis everyday and I'm in awe at what they have trained their bodies to do. I often forget that they TRAINED to get that way. It takes strength and (eventual) flexibility along with proper training and stretching to be good at yoga. That mess is hard! Men can laugh and joke about it all they want, but yoga takes super baby Jesus strength to master.

So besides the splits:

I want to try and master one of the following poses:

I'm not sure which one I want to pick but they are all advanced and definitely a challenge, so wish me luck! 

PGC 2013. Challenge #1: Reading

Something I want to really work in this year is my reading habits or lack thereof I should say. On average I read about 3 books per year. Granted I read for my college courses but that would be more like skimming, I skim books and read the answers or key points that I was looking for. One of my closest girlfriends reads more than anyone I know, I envy her for that. I want to be able to escape from the internet more and sit down and read a book instead. My attention span is about as long at a gnat now that we have access to everything on the world wide web. Right now I'm RE-WATCHING season one of Scandal, watching a TV show that I have already seen every single episode. Is it necessary that I watch it again? Apparently I have nothing better to do with my free time.

The internet has made it so easy for us to be lazy and I have to break that deathly addiction. It will be a challenge but I can do it. When I find that I have completed all my tasks for the day and I'm restless with nothing to do, instead of clicking on Netflix I need to pick up a book. I have been reading the same book The Path to Love for about 3 months now, it's only 300 pages. I pick it up when I remember and read about 5 pages before I go to sleep. If I read 10 pages a day of any/most books, I could read one book a month. So that's what I have decided to do. I'm going to finish The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra  which is a great book by the way (I will write about it when I finish it).

After that I will start on Clutch Magazine's "100 books by black women" list. I realized too that when I do read, the books are normally written by males or white women, never black women. It's about time I support them. I will be honest with you, I wrote off many black authors years ago because I felt they were so typical just like our TV shows. Most of the popular black authors wrote about baby mama drama, men cheating on their women, men on the down low & church. It was all the same and began to bore me. No longer will I stereotype black literature and I will give it another shot, time to support my people. If we don't who else will? Clutch made the list based off suggestions they received from their tweeples about their favorite books written by black female authors. I printed off the list so I could look them up and pick which ones I wanted to read this year. Happy to say I already had one of them, Kindred by Octavia Butler, my friend (the bookworm)  gave it to me last year for my birthday and of course I haven't read it yet.

Reading will be one of my many personal growth challenges of 2013 and I'm ready to take it on. Will you be joining me?

Personal Growth Challenges of 2013

2013 will be about change for me and for a lot of people I know; many of my friends are taking on new challenges, careers and lifestyle choices. 2012 was a good year for me, a little rocky towards the end but overall I made a lot of progress towards my goals. Every year my best friend and I say "We cannot be in this same place, this time next year". Six months will go by and we say "We cannot be in this same place 6 months from now". Last year we meant it, we started on little things that would help move us forward like working on our credit and saving money. We may not be in a different place financially or career wise but I will say that we are in a different place mentally. We have faith in our dreams and we are now working steadily towards our goals. 

In order to get where I want to be by 2014, I need to challenge myself in a few areas. I asked my best friend today "What's your new years resolution?" She replied. "I don't do those anymore, when I see a problem or something I need to work on, I tackle it right there." I loved that. When you see that there is something in your life that needs to be fixed, don't wait until the new year or new month or next week to start, tackle it right away. 

There are many things that I'm and tackling and working on in my personal life aside from my resolutions. These are the challenges that I face everyday that need to get dealt with. My Personal Growth Challenges (PGC) are challenges that I have been dealing with for years and disguising them as NYE Resolutions. My resolutions in the previous years were silly and I didn't care if I accomplished them or not. A challenge is something I must look in the eye, face it and tackle it! 

Once they are tackled I know that growth and change will happen. I will be posting these challenges sporadically throughout the next couple of months and will keep you updated on my progress. This year is all about getting out of my comfort zone, challenging myself and personal growth. I hope you all will do the same, it's time to be fearless and fear less.