"Not all those who wander are lost." I was not lost and trying to find myself you assholes who just thought that. I was simply exploring my options, how could I know what I wanted to be if I didn't test out every single thing I thought I wanted? That was my logic, my logic that cost me and my family thousands of dollars. If my child decided to do the same thing as me I wouldn't stop them. Some people are born and from the moment they can think, they just know. They know what the want to do for the rest of their lives. It's their passion and they stick to that passion. Me, I didn't know. I just found out last year. Everything I think I wanted to do I tried it and I don't regret it.
Every career I had in mind just didn't feel right once I started and I would try to trick my brain into liking it because that's what I wanted to do. In the back of my mind I heard a little voice telling me what to do and I constantly ignored it. It was God whispering and getting on my nerves all the time trying to guide my life. How dare he try to control my life! Hey God, your plan sucks! That plan is hard, it's going to take more time than I have, I'm going to have to work harder than all the other women competing for the same job because I'm a black woman, did you forget that God? Just leave me alone and let me be a personal trainer, thank yooouuuu!
I became a trainer and I hated it, I tried and tried and tried to like it. When everyone asked me why I stopped training I said because there was no money in it. No that's not true, I just hated that damn job. I loved seeing the results and progression of my clients, that was about it. It was something I was good at that I hated to do. There are no regrets though because I learned so much from going to that school, I now know all the bones & muscles in my body, all about calories, how to properly work out and achieve maximum results and I'm not the girl who's afraid to hit the weight room with the men. I realized I loved to work out! That's all, I didn't want to train I just wanted to workout I guess.
Again that annoying voice popped up like a gnat in my ear. I wish he would just go away and let me think for a little bit. He never went away, I just kept ignoring him because he wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear. Then one day I was said okay God just lay it on me, the whole plan. He only gave me a piece. When I started working on that piece then he gave me another, then when I put that in motion he gave me another. God is slowly building the edges to my puzzle now, once the edges are connected the middle pieces will be easier and my puzzle will be completed and then I'll be able to see the whole picture.
Gods plan for me used to suck because it wasn't his plan at all. It was my plan. My plan for my life sucked, what did I know? People on the outside can figure out whats going on before the people on the inside do. God is on the outside and you don't know shit. Is it wrong to write God and shit in the same sentence even though I thought it and even though I cursed early in this post? Hhmmm, I'll let you guys judge me instead of him. Anyways, If you are working at your dream job and something is missing, that something is probably your heart and even though it probably is your dream job, it's just not the job you're supposed to have. If you follow the dream God puts in your heart you will flourish, you just have to listen and accept it. Even if you think it sucks.
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